WEBVTT

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<00:00:02.185>So <00:00:02.418>who <00:00:02.651>thinks <00:00:02.885>code <00:00:03.118>reviews <00:00:03.351>are <00:00:03.585>one

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<00:00:06.285>of <00:00:06.477>the <00:00:06.669>hardest <00:00:06.861>parts <00:00:07.053>of <00:00:07.245>our <00:00:07.437>job?

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<00:00:07.575>Raise <00:00:07.750>your <00:00:07.925>little <00:00:08.100>pause. <00:00:08.275>Get <00:00:08.450>'em <00:00:08.625>up. <00:00:08.800>All. <00:00:08.975>Alright.

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<00:00:10.835>What <00:00:11.068>about, <00:00:11.301>uh, <00:00:11.535>office <00:00:11.768>politics? <00:00:12.001>Yeah, <00:00:12.235>right.

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<00:00:15.985>Uh, <00:00:16.218>finding <00:00:16.451>a <00:00:16.685>mentor, <00:00:16.918>negotiating <00:00:17.151>a <00:00:17.384>raise.

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<00:00:22.345>Oh <00:00:22.625>yeah. <00:00:22.904>Okay. <00:00:23.185>Well, <00:00:23.465>guess <00:00:23.744>what?

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<00:00:24.745>All <00:00:24.945>these <00:00:25.145>things <00:00:25.345>have <00:00:25.545>in <00:00:25.745>common. <00:00:25.945>Other <00:00:26.145>people.

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<00:00:29.765>I, <00:00:29.881>I, <00:00:29.998>uh, <00:00:30.115>I've <00:00:30.231>spent <00:00:30.348>like <00:00:30.465>20 <00:00:30.581>ish <00:00:30.698>years <00:00:30.815>in <00:00:30.931>fang <00:00:31.048>and <00:00:31.165>startups

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<00:00:34.745>and <00:00:34.919>open <00:00:35.095>source, <00:00:35.269>and <00:00:35.445>they <00:00:35.620>all <00:00:35.794>have <00:00:35.970>the <00:00:36.144>same

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<00:00:38.245>high <00:00:38.731>school <00:00:39.217>politics.

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<00:00:39.345>All <00:00:39.579>of <00:00:39.813>them. <00:00:40.047>None <00:00:40.281>are <00:00:40.515>exempt.

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<00:00:41.145>Uh, <00:00:41.320>any <00:00:41.495>of <00:00:41.670>those <00:00:41.845>20 <00:00:42.020>years, <00:00:42.195>I <00:00:42.370>can <00:00:42.545>say

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<00:00:42.925>that <00:00:43.158>the <00:00:43.391>hardest <00:00:43.625>part <00:00:43.858>has <00:00:44.091>always <00:00:44.324>been

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<00:00:45.005>people <00:00:45.311>and <00:00:45.617>that <00:00:45.923>includes <00:00:46.229>me.

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<00:00:46.665>I'm <00:00:46.865>not <00:00:47.065>easy. <00:00:47.265>Uh, <00:00:47.464>definitely <00:00:47.665>not <00:00:47.865>gonna. <00:00:48.065>Yeah.

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<00:00:50.985>Uh, <00:00:51.160>thank <00:00:51.335>you <00:00:51.510>for <00:00:51.685>putting <00:00:51.860>up <00:00:52.035>with <00:00:52.210>my <00:00:52.385>butt.

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<00:01:01.285>a <00:01:01.771>century <00:01:02.257>earlier?

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<00:01:02.865>But <00:01:03.215>Charles <00:01:03.565>freaking <00:01:03.915>ba <00:01:04.265>sucked

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<00:01:05.985>so <00:01:06.140>hard <00:01:06.296>at <00:01:06.451>doing <00:01:06.607>people <00:01:06.762>well, <00:01:06.918>that <00:01:07.073>Ada <00:01:07.229>love <00:01:07.385>this.

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<00:01:12.664>who <00:01:12.898>was <00:01:13.131>exceptionally <00:01:13.365>good <00:01:13.598>at <00:01:13.831>handling <00:01:14.065>people,

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<00:01:15.125>including <00:01:15.405>his <00:01:15.685>butt, <00:01:15.965>uh, <00:01:16.245>was <00:01:16.525>unable

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<00:01:18.405>to <00:01:18.560>save <00:01:18.716>him <00:01:18.871>from <00:01:19.027>nuking <00:01:19.182>his <00:01:19.338>financier <00:01:19.493>to <00:01:19.649>the <00:01:19.805>point

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<00:01:22.685>where <00:01:22.825>they <00:01:22.965>were <00:01:23.105>like, <00:01:23.245>we <00:01:23.385>are <00:01:23.525>not <00:01:23.665>gonna <00:01:23.805>pay <00:01:23.945>for <00:01:24.085>you

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<00:01:28.664>And <00:01:28.889>she's <00:01:29.115>like, <00:01:29.339>no, <00:01:29.565>no, <00:01:29.789>he's <00:01:30.014>brilliant.

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<00:01:30.164>This <00:01:30.365>could <00:01:30.565>change <00:01:30.764>the <00:01:30.964>future <00:01:31.164>if <00:01:31.365>you <00:01:31.565>may.

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<00:01:37.345>Who <00:01:37.520>knows <00:01:37.695>what <00:01:37.870>scientific <00:01:38.045>leaps <00:01:38.220>forward <00:01:38.395>our <00:01:38.570>poor <00:01:38.745>soft

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<00:01:40.164>skills <00:01:40.633>are <00:01:41.101>delaying.

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<00:01:41.285>I <00:01:41.440>have <00:01:41.596>more <00:01:41.751>examples, <00:01:41.907>but <00:01:42.062>we <00:01:42.218>don't <00:01:42.373>have <00:01:42.529>all <00:01:42.685>day.

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<00:01:45.445>of <00:01:45.675>your <00:01:45.905>time <00:01:46.136>and <00:01:46.366>got <00:01:46.597>denied.

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<00:01:47.305>So <00:01:47.480>this <00:01:47.655>is <00:01:47.830>a <00:01:48.005>debugging <00:01:48.180>talk <00:01:48.355>for <00:01:48.530>human <00:01:48.705>good.

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<00:01:52.705>Uh, <00:01:52.832>I <00:01:52.959>wish <00:01:53.086>that <00:01:53.214>there <00:01:53.341>were <00:01:53.468>a <00:01:53.595>debugger <00:01:53.723>for <00:01:53.850>humans <00:01:53.977>when <00:01:54.105>I,

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<00:01:56.354>when <00:01:56.609>I <00:01:56.863>started <00:01:57.117>my <00:01:57.372>career.

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<00:01:57.705>So <00:01:57.938>after <00:01:58.171>all <00:01:58.405>these <00:01:58.638>years <00:01:58.871>of <00:01:59.105>working

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<00:01:59.645>with <00:01:59.867>people, <00:02:00.089>I <00:02:00.311>made <00:02:00.533>one <00:02:00.755>for <00:02:00.977>you.

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<00:02:01.125>I've <00:02:01.325>put <00:02:01.525>together <00:02:01.725>this <00:02:01.925>little <00:02:02.125>toolbox <00:02:02.325>of <00:02:02.525>skills

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<00:02:03.795>that <00:02:04.048>helped <00:02:04.302>me <00:02:04.556>the <00:02:04.810>dang <00:02:05.064>most.

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<00:02:05.445>I <00:02:05.580>may <00:02:05.717>or <00:02:05.853>may <00:02:05.989>not <00:02:06.125>write <00:02:06.261>a <00:02:06.397>book <00:02:06.533>about <00:02:06.669>it.

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<00:02:07.145>My <00:02:07.320>editor <00:02:07.494>just <00:02:07.670>left <00:02:07.845>the <00:02:08.019>company <00:02:08.195>she <00:02:08.370>was <00:02:08.544>working

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<00:02:09.824>at, <00:02:10.251>so <00:02:10.676>we'll <00:02:11.103>see.

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<00:02:11.525>I <00:02:11.700>might <00:02:11.875>just <00:02:12.050>continue <00:02:12.225>blogging <00:02:12.400>about <00:02:12.575>it <00:02:12.750>on <00:02:12.925>LinkedIn.

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<00:02:14.955>Alright, <00:02:15.188>so <00:02:15.421>your <00:02:15.655>tool <00:02:15.888>chest <00:02:16.121>includes <00:02:16.355>these

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<00:02:17.805>awesome <00:02:18.777>illustrations.

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<00:02:18.985>No, <00:02:19.218>I'm <00:02:19.451>kidding. <00:02:19.685>Uh, <00:02:19.918>depersonalization, <00:02:20.151>good <00:02:20.385>apology.

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<00:02:25.095>Power <00:02:25.445>dynamics, <00:02:25.795>vision, <00:02:26.145>emotional <00:02:26.495>regulation,

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<00:02:30.255>boundaries <00:02:30.721>and <00:02:31.188>rupture <00:02:31.655>repair.

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<00:02:34.575>These <00:02:34.839>are <00:02:35.104>also <00:02:35.368>really <00:02:35.633>handy <00:02:35.898>in

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<00:02:36.045>relationships <00:02:36.387>with <00:02:36.729>people <00:02:37.071>you <00:02:37.413>love.

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<00:02:37.795>Just <00:02:38.028>saying, <00:02:38.261>uh, <00:02:38.495>anyway, <00:02:38.728>good <00:02:38.961>human <00:02:39.195>skills.

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<00:02:41.055>Let's <00:02:41.335>start <00:02:41.615>with <00:02:41.895>depersonalization. <00:02:42.175>All <00:02:42.455>right.

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<00:02:45.545>You <00:02:45.778>ever <00:02:46.011>hear, <00:02:46.245>don't <00:02:46.478>take <00:02:46.711>it <00:02:46.945>personally.

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<00:02:48.355>Literally, <00:02:48.530>raise <00:02:48.704>your <00:02:48.880>hand <00:02:49.054>if <00:02:49.230>you <00:02:49.405>have <00:02:49.579>heard <00:02:49.755>this.

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<00:02:51.625>Now, <00:02:51.800>how <00:02:51.975>many <00:02:52.150>of <00:02:52.325>you <00:02:52.500>have <00:02:52.675>actually <00:02:52.850>said <00:02:53.025>this?

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<00:02:54.954>Yeah, <00:02:55.130>I, <00:02:55.304>I <00:02:55.480>have <00:02:55.654>been <00:02:55.829>both <00:02:56.005>on <00:02:56.179>the <00:02:56.355>accepting

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<00:02:57.465>and <00:02:57.665>the <00:02:57.865>giving, <00:02:58.065>uh, <00:02:58.265>side <00:02:58.465>of <00:02:58.665>this <00:02:58.865>equation.

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<00:03:01.065>It <00:03:01.415>is <00:03:01.765>very <00:03:02.115>hard <00:03:02.465>not

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<00:03:02.645>to <00:03:02.878>take <00:03:03.111>things <00:03:03.345>personally <00:03:03.578>because <00:03:03.811>guess <00:03:04.045>what?

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<00:03:04.525>You're <00:03:04.680>a <00:03:04.836>person <00:03:04.991>and <00:03:05.147>you're <00:03:05.302>there <00:03:05.458>and <00:03:05.613>you're <00:03:05.769>taking <00:03:05.925>it.

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<00:03:09.745>So <00:03:10.025>it's <00:03:10.305>unfortunately <00:03:10.585>though, <00:03:10.865>it's <00:03:11.145>easy

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<00:03:12.185>to <00:03:12.385>frame <00:03:12.585>other <00:03:12.785>people's <00:03:12.985>actions <00:03:13.185>as <00:03:13.385>a <00:03:13.585>reflection

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<00:03:15.025>of <00:03:15.343>your <00:03:15.661>own <00:03:15.979>worth.

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<00:03:16.905>Um, <00:03:17.060>for <00:03:17.216>instance, <00:03:17.371>getting <00:03:17.527>laid <00:03:17.682>off, <00:03:17.838>I'm <00:03:17.993>not <00:03:18.149>good <00:03:18.305>enough

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<00:03:22.825>or, <00:03:23.058>or <00:03:23.291>not <00:03:23.524>getting <00:03:23.758>a <00:03:23.991>second <00:03:24.225>date.

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<00:03:25.425>How <00:03:25.552>many <00:03:25.679>of <00:03:25.806>you <00:03:25.934>have <00:03:26.061>been <00:03:26.188>like, <00:03:26.315>I'm <00:03:26.443>just <00:03:26.570>not <00:03:26.697>pretty <00:03:26.825>enough.

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<00:03:27.845>There's <00:03:27.984>an <00:03:28.125>entire <00:03:28.265>Reddit <00:03:28.405>of <00:03:28.545>in <00:03:28.685>insults <00:03:28.825>that <00:03:28.965>they <00:03:29.105>live <00:03:29.245>this.

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<00:03:31.865>Um, <00:03:32.215>and <00:03:32.565>you <00:03:32.915>know, <00:03:33.265>your,

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<00:03:35.045>your <00:03:35.325>project <00:03:35.605>proposal <00:03:35.885>got <00:03:36.165>turned <00:03:36.445>down.

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<00:03:37.585>My <00:03:37.935>manager <00:03:38.285>hates <00:03:38.635>me <00:03:38.985>personally.

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<00:03:41.065>Of <00:03:41.240>all <00:03:41.415>the <00:03:41.590>people <00:03:41.765>in <00:03:41.940>this <00:03:42.115>world, <00:03:42.290>uh, <00:03:42.465>unfortunately,

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<00:03:44.445>you <00:03:44.584>can't <00:03:44.725>really <00:03:44.864>be <00:03:45.005>100% <00:03:45.144>sure <00:03:45.285>about <00:03:45.424>why <00:03:45.565>all <00:03:45.704>these <00:03:45.845>other

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<00:03:47.525>people <00:03:47.717>are <00:03:47.909>behaving <00:03:48.101>the <00:03:48.293>way <00:03:48.485>they <00:03:48.677>did.

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<00:03:49.535>Maybe, <00:03:49.768>you <00:03:50.001>know, <00:03:50.234>you <00:03:50.468>got <00:03:50.701>laid <00:03:50.935>off

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<00:03:51.445>because <00:03:51.620>the <00:03:51.795>company <00:03:51.970>just <00:03:52.144>fricking <00:03:52.320>ran <00:03:52.495>out <00:03:52.670>of <00:03:52.845>money

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<00:03:53.905>and <00:03:54.100>they <00:03:54.295>had <00:03:54.489>to <00:03:54.685>pay <00:03:54.880>the <00:03:55.075>people

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<00:03:55.265>who <00:03:55.498>are <00:03:55.731>actually <00:03:55.964>bringing <00:03:56.198>the <00:03:56.431>money <00:03:56.665>in.

83
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<00:03:56.925>And <00:03:57.100>it <00:03:57.275>was <00:03:57.450>nothing <00:03:57.625>personal. <00:03:57.800>It <00:03:57.975>wasn't <00:03:58.150>about <00:03:58.325>you.

84
00:03:59.215 --> 00:04:00.765
<00:03:59.215>Maybe <00:03:59.447>the, <00:03:59.680>there <00:03:59.912>was <00:04:00.144>no <00:04:00.377>second <00:04:00.609>date

85
00:04:00.765 --> 00:04:01.805
<00:04:00.765>because <00:04:01.077>that <00:04:01.389>person's <00:04:01.701>love

86
00:04:01.805 --> 00:04:03.205
<00:04:01.805>of <00:04:01.985>their <00:04:02.165>life <00:04:02.345>just <00:04:02.525>came <00:04:02.705>back <00:04:02.885>to <00:04:03.065>town.

87
00:04:03.205 --> 00:04:06.765
<00:04:03.205>And <00:04:03.345>they <00:04:03.485>were <00:04:03.625>like, <00:04:03.765>well, <00:04:03.905>that <00:04:04.045>would <00:04:04.185>be, <00:04:04.325>uh, <00:04:04.465>very <00:04:04.605>unfair

88
00:04:06.765 --> 00:04:08.485
<00:04:06.765>of <00:04:06.940>me <00:04:07.114>to <00:04:07.290>continue <00:04:07.464>dating <00:04:07.640>all <00:04:07.815>these <00:04:07.989>other <00:04:08.165>people.

89
00:04:08.745 --> 00:04:12.685
<00:04:08.745>So <00:04:08.872>the <00:04:08.999>end, <00:04:09.126>um, <00:04:09.254>and <00:04:09.381>or <00:04:09.508>maybe <00:04:09.635>your <00:04:09.763>proposal <00:04:09.890>was <00:04:10.017>turned <00:04:10.145>down

90
00:04:12.925 --> 00:04:14.805
<00:04:12.925>because <00:04:13.205>your <00:04:13.485>manager <00:04:13.765>is <00:04:14.045>personally <00:04:14.325>trying

91
00:04:14.805 --> 00:04:16.125
<00:04:14.805>to <00:04:15.042>prevent <00:04:15.280>you <00:04:15.517>from <00:04:15.755>getting <00:04:15.993>fired,

92
00:04:16.225 --> 00:04:18.565
<00:04:16.225>or <00:04:16.365>knows <00:04:16.505>that <00:04:16.645>someone <00:04:16.785>else's <00:04:16.925>proposal <00:04:17.065>is <00:04:17.205>gonna <00:04:17.345>get <00:04:17.485>one <00:04:17.625>upped

93
00:04:18.565 --> 00:04:20.285
<00:04:18.565>and <00:04:18.740>you <00:04:18.915>have <00:04:19.089>no <00:04:19.265>way <00:04:19.440>of <00:04:19.615>competing <00:04:19.790>with <00:04:19.964>it.

94
00:04:20.285 --> 00:04:22.245
<00:04:20.285>So <00:04:20.425>they <00:04:20.565>want <00:04:20.705>you <00:04:20.845>to <00:04:20.985>save <00:04:21.125>your <00:04:21.265>energy. <00:04:21.405>You <00:04:21.545>don't <00:04:21.685>know.

95
00:04:22.665 --> 00:04:26.085
<00:04:22.665>You <00:04:22.781>don't <00:04:22.898>know, <00:04:23.015>but <00:04:23.131>you're <00:04:23.248>stuck <00:04:23.365>in <00:04:23.481>me, <00:04:23.598>me, <00:04:23.715>me, <00:04:23.831>me, <00:04:23.948>me <00:04:24.065>mode

96
00:04:26.095 --> 00:04:28.565
<00:04:26.095>where <00:04:26.295>you're, <00:04:26.495>you're <00:04:26.695>making <00:04:26.895>everything <00:04:27.095>100% <00:04:27.295>about <00:04:27.495>you.

97
00:04:28.625 --> 00:04:30.965
<00:04:28.625>And <00:04:28.800>this <00:04:28.975>is <00:04:29.150>a <00:04:29.325>part <00:04:29.500>of <00:04:29.675>the <00:04:29.850>human <00:04:30.025>condition.

98
00:04:31.065 --> 00:04:33.925
<00:04:31.065>All <00:04:31.240>animals <00:04:31.415>review <00:04:31.590>the <00:04:31.765>world <00:04:31.940>through <00:04:32.115>their <00:04:32.290>own, <00:04:32.465>um,

99
00:04:34.135 --> 00:04:37.085
<00:04:34.135>their <00:04:34.485>own <00:04:34.835>very <00:04:35.185>self-centered <00:04:35.534>viewpoint.

100
00:04:37.085 --> 00:04:39.205
<00:04:37.085>Little <00:04:37.551>babies <00:04:38.018>classic <00:04:38.484>example,

101
00:04:39.355 --> 00:04:42.085
<00:04:39.355>they <00:04:39.555>do <00:04:39.755>not <00:04:39.955>know <00:04:40.155>anything <00:04:40.355>exists <00:04:40.555>outside <00:04:40.755>themselves.

102
00:04:42.315 --> 00:04:44.525
<00:04:42.315>This <00:04:42.490>is <00:04:42.665>why <00:04:42.840>I <00:04:43.015>do <00:04:43.190>not <00:04:43.365>have <00:04:43.540>one, <00:04:43.715>um,

103
00:04:44.995 --> 00:04:46.805
<00:04:44.995>because <00:04:45.228>I <00:04:45.461>live <00:04:45.695>in <00:04:45.928>my <00:04:46.161>knee <00:04:46.395>bubble.

104
00:04:47.305 --> 00:04:51.565
<00:04:47.305>Um, <00:04:47.460>anyway, <00:04:47.616>the <00:04:47.771>problem <00:04:47.927>with <00:04:48.082>me, <00:04:48.238>me, <00:04:48.393>me <00:04:48.549>mode <00:04:48.705>is

105
00:04:51.565 --> 00:04:53.045
<00:04:51.565>that <00:04:51.787>it's <00:04:52.009>a <00:04:52.231>disservice <00:04:52.453>to <00:04:52.675>other <00:04:52.897>people.

106
00:04:53.465 --> 00:04:55.525
<00:04:53.465>Uh, <00:04:53.698>you <00:04:53.931>assume <00:04:54.165>that <00:04:54.398>you <00:04:54.631>know <00:04:54.865>them,

107
00:04:55.555 --> 00:04:56.845
<00:04:55.555>that <00:04:55.845>you <00:04:56.135>know <00:04:56.425>their <00:04:56.716>intentions,

108
00:04:56.845 --> 00:04:58.365
<00:04:56.845>that <00:04:57.118>you <00:04:57.392>know <00:04:57.665>their <00:04:57.939>inner <00:04:58.213>worlds,

109
00:04:58.545 --> 00:05:00.325
<00:04:58.545>and <00:04:58.720>they <00:04:58.895>happen <00:04:59.070>to <00:04:59.245>all <00:04:59.420>be <00:04:59.595>focused <00:04:59.770>about <00:04:59.945>you.

110
00:05:01.065 --> 00:05:03.005
<00:05:01.065>And <00:05:01.344>that <00:05:01.625>kind <00:05:01.905>of, <00:05:02.185>you <00:05:02.465>know,

111
00:05:03.005 --> 00:05:04.885
<00:05:03.005>you're <00:05:03.238>putting <00:05:03.471>thoughts <00:05:03.705>into <00:05:03.938>other <00:05:04.171>people's <00:05:04.405>heads.

112
00:05:05.035 --> 00:05:06.325
<00:05:05.035>It's <00:05:05.267>not <00:05:05.499>really <00:05:05.731>fair, <00:05:05.963>is <00:05:06.195>it?

113
00:05:06.385 --> 00:05:08.805
<00:05:06.385>Do <00:05:06.540>you <00:05:06.696>like <00:05:06.851>it <00:05:07.007>when <00:05:07.162>people <00:05:07.318>assume <00:05:07.473>what <00:05:07.629>you're <00:05:07.784>thinking

114
00:05:08.945 --> 00:05:10.125
<00:05:08.945>and <00:05:09.210>speak <00:05:09.476>on <00:05:09.741>your <00:05:10.007>behalf?

115
00:05:10.685 --> 00:05:13.605
<00:05:10.685>I <00:05:10.801>doubt <00:05:10.918>it. <00:05:11.035>So <00:05:11.151>why <00:05:11.268>do <00:05:11.385>we <00:05:11.501>do <00:05:11.618>that <00:05:11.735>so <00:05:11.851>quickly <00:05:11.968>to <00:05:12.085>others?

116
00:05:14.785 --> 00:05:17.285
<00:05:14.785>So <00:05:14.960>personally, <00:05:15.135>while <00:05:15.310>I <00:05:15.485>hate, <00:05:15.660>don't <00:05:15.835>take <00:05:16.010>it <00:05:16.185>personally,

117
00:05:17.995 --> 00:05:20.565
<00:05:17.995>I've <00:05:18.170>come <00:05:18.345>up <00:05:18.520>with <00:05:18.695>a <00:05:18.870>better <00:05:19.045>phrase, <00:05:19.220>which <00:05:19.395>is

118
00:05:20.565 --> 00:05:22.925
<00:05:20.565>that <00:05:20.915>relationships <00:05:21.265>are <00:05:21.615>50 <00:05:21.965>50.

119
00:05:23.785 --> 00:05:27.405
<00:05:23.785>You <00:05:23.925>bring <00:05:24.065>your <00:05:24.205>half <00:05:24.345>and <00:05:24.485>the <00:05:24.625>other <00:05:24.765>person <00:05:24.905>brings <00:05:25.045>their <00:05:25.185>half,

120
00:05:27.665 --> 00:05:31.525
<00:05:27.665>and <00:05:27.805>you <00:05:27.945>are <00:05:28.085>only <00:05:28.225>responsible <00:05:28.365>for <00:05:28.505>your <00:05:28.645>50% <00:05:28.785>of <00:05:28.925>that <00:05:29.065>equation.

121
00:05:32.225 --> 00:05:33.565
<00:05:32.225>You <00:05:32.526>get <00:05:32.828>laid <00:05:33.129>off. <00:05:33.431>Well,

122
00:05:33.745 --> 00:05:35.685
<00:05:33.745>you <00:05:33.920>are <00:05:34.095>responsible <00:05:34.270>for <00:05:34.445>your <00:05:34.620>half <00:05:34.795>of <00:05:34.970>the <00:05:35.145>work.

123
00:05:36.145 --> 00:05:38.045
<00:05:36.145>You <00:05:36.344>can't <00:05:36.544>speak <00:05:36.745>for <00:05:36.945>whatever <00:05:37.145>their <00:05:37.344>half <00:05:37.544>was.

124
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<00:05:38.825>Uh, <00:05:39.073>other <00:05:39.321>person <00:05:39.570>doesn't <00:05:39.818>like <00:05:40.067>you.

125
00:05:40.465 --> 00:05:42.445
<00:05:40.465>You <00:05:40.640>liked <00:05:40.815>them, <00:05:40.990>but <00:05:41.165>their <00:05:41.340>half <00:05:41.515>didn't <00:05:41.690>like <00:05:41.865>you.

126
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<00:05:43.545>That's <00:05:43.720>just <00:05:43.895>how <00:05:44.070>it <00:05:44.245>is. <00:05:44.420>It's <00:05:44.595>not <00:05:44.770>about <00:05:44.945>you.

127
00:05:47.705 --> 00:05:51.285
<00:05:47.705>So <00:05:47.938>another <00:05:48.171>thing <00:05:48.405>is <00:05:48.638>to <00:05:48.871>ask <00:05:49.104>yourself,

128
00:05:51.585 --> 00:05:55.325
<00:05:51.585>how <00:05:51.712>might <00:05:51.839>this <00:05:51.966>possibly <00:05:52.094>not <00:05:52.221>be <00:05:52.348>about <00:05:52.475>you <00:05:52.603>in <00:05:52.730>some <00:05:52.857>way <00:05:52.984>when

129
00:05:55.325 --> 00:05:56.405
<00:05:55.325>you're, <00:05:55.486>when <00:05:55.649>you're <00:05:55.811>caught <00:05:55.972>in <00:05:56.135>this <00:05:56.296>mode,

130
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<00:05:56.425>how <00:05:56.581>do <00:05:56.738>you <00:05:56.895>pop <00:05:57.052>yourself <00:05:57.209>out <00:05:57.366>of <00:05:57.522>it?

131
00:05:57.755 --> 00:06:00.045
<00:05:57.755>Just <00:05:57.955>ask <00:05:58.155>yourself. <00:05:58.355>Are <00:05:58.555>there <00:05:58.755>any <00:05:58.955>other <00:05:59.155>reasons

132
00:06:00.595 --> 00:06:01.805
<00:06:00.595>that <00:06:00.812>things <00:06:01.030>might <00:06:01.248>be <00:06:01.466>this <00:06:01.684>way?

133
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<00:06:01.805>They <00:06:01.932>don't <00:06:02.059>have <00:06:02.186>to <00:06:02.314>be. <00:06:02.441>Maybe <00:06:02.568>that <00:06:02.695>person <00:06:02.823>cut <00:06:02.950>me <00:06:03.077>off, <00:06:03.205>not

134
00:06:04.005 --> 00:06:05.445
<00:06:04.005>because <00:06:04.329>they <00:06:04.653>personally <00:06:04.977>hate <00:06:05.301>me

135
00:06:05.445 --> 00:06:07.925
<00:06:05.445>and <00:06:05.600>want <00:06:05.756>me <00:06:05.911>to <00:06:06.067>die <00:06:06.222>in <00:06:06.378>a <00:06:06.533>fiery <00:06:06.689>crash <00:06:06.844>wreck.

136
00:06:08.055 --> 00:06:10.165
<00:06:08.055>Maybe <00:06:08.210>it's <00:06:08.366>because <00:06:08.521>they <00:06:08.677>have <00:06:08.832>a <00:06:08.988>baby <00:06:09.143>in <00:06:09.299>the <00:06:09.455>back

137
00:06:10.225 --> 00:06:12.485
<00:06:10.225>who <00:06:10.400>just <00:06:10.575>had <00:06:10.750>a <00:06:10.925>horrible <00:06:11.100>accident <00:06:11.275>with <00:06:11.450>a <00:06:11.625>dog

138
00:06:12.485 --> 00:06:13.845
<00:06:12.485>and <00:06:12.729>they're <00:06:12.974>rushing <00:06:13.219>to <00:06:13.464>the <00:06:13.709>hosp.

139
00:06:13.905 --> 00:06:16.685
<00:06:13.905>We <00:06:14.080>don't <00:06:14.255>know. <00:06:14.429>You <00:06:14.604>don't <00:06:14.780>know. <00:06:14.955>It <00:06:15.130>doesn't <00:06:15.304>matter.

140
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<00:06:16.685>Keep <00:06:16.860>going. <00:06:17.035>Um, <00:06:17.210>so <00:06:17.385>I <00:06:17.560>try <00:06:17.735>to <00:06:17.910>ask <00:06:18.085>this

141
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<00:06:20.565>whenever <00:06:20.740>I <00:06:20.915>catch <00:06:21.090>myself, <00:06:21.265>lapsing <00:06:21.440>into <00:06:21.615>the <00:06:21.790>universe <00:06:21.965>has

142
00:06:23.085 --> 00:06:25.725
<00:06:23.085>personally <00:06:23.284>slighted <00:06:23.484>me <00:06:23.685>in <00:06:23.885>I <00:06:24.085>am <00:06:24.284>offended <00:06:24.484>mode.

143
00:06:26.585 --> 00:06:29.805
<00:06:26.585>Now <00:06:26.760>let's <00:06:26.935>try, <00:06:27.109>like <00:06:27.284>I <00:06:27.460>said, <00:06:27.635>with <00:06:27.810>these <00:06:27.984>reframing,

144
00:06:29.805 --> 00:06:32.165
<00:06:29.805>we <00:06:29.960>already <00:06:30.116>did <00:06:30.271>the <00:06:30.427>act, <00:06:30.582>the, <00:06:30.738>the <00:06:30.893>realization, <00:06:31.049>you <00:06:31.205>know,

145
00:06:32.165 --> 00:06:34.565
<00:06:32.165>getting <00:06:32.398>laid <00:06:32.631>off, <00:06:32.865>no <00:06:33.098>second <00:06:33.331>date, <00:06:33.565>uh,

146
00:06:35.005 --> 00:06:36.245
<00:06:35.005>proposals <00:06:35.377>getting <00:06:35.749>turned <00:06:36.121>down.

147
00:06:36.615 --> 00:06:39.285
<00:06:36.615>These <00:06:36.790>could <00:06:36.965>all <00:06:37.140>have <00:06:37.315>nothing <00:06:37.490>to <00:06:37.665>do <00:06:37.840>with <00:06:38.015>you.

148
00:06:39.345 --> 00:06:41.085
<00:06:39.345>And <00:06:39.545>you <00:06:39.745>can <00:06:39.945>ask, <00:06:40.145>and <00:06:40.345>maybe <00:06:40.545>they <00:06:40.745>kind

149
00:06:41.085 --> 00:06:42.125
<00:06:41.085>of <00:06:41.241>have <00:06:41.397>something <00:06:41.553>to <00:06:41.709>do <00:06:41.865>with <00:06:42.021>you.

150
00:06:42.125 --> 00:06:43.525
<00:06:42.125>Maybe <00:06:42.377>you <00:06:42.629>do <00:06:42.881>have <00:06:43.133>terrible <00:06:43.385>breath

151
00:06:43.585 --> 00:06:45.925
<00:06:43.585>or <00:06:43.760>you're <00:06:43.935>very <00:06:44.109>bad <00:06:44.284>at <00:06:44.460>delivering <00:06:44.635>on <00:06:44.810>your <00:06:44.984>deliverables.

152
00:06:45.925 --> 00:06:47.645
<00:06:45.925>Okay, <00:06:46.080>that's <00:06:46.236>good. <00:06:46.391>Maybe <00:06:46.547>that <00:06:46.702>tells <00:06:46.858>you <00:06:47.013>you <00:06:47.169>need <00:06:47.325>someone

153
00:06:47.665 --> 00:06:48.885
<00:06:47.665>who <00:06:48.214>doesn't <00:06:48.763>mind

154
00:06:48.905 --> 00:06:50.125
<00:06:48.905>bad <00:06:49.042>breath, <00:06:49.179>or <00:06:49.316>you <00:06:49.454>should <00:06:49.591>go <00:06:49.728>to <00:06:49.865>the <00:06:50.003>dentist.

155
00:06:50.185 --> 00:06:52.685
<00:06:50.185>Or <00:06:50.340>maybe <00:06:50.496>you <00:06:50.651>need <00:06:50.807>to, <00:06:50.962>uh, <00:06:51.118>go <00:06:51.273>to <00:06:51.429>a <00:06:51.585>place

156
00:06:52.685 --> 00:06:53.805
<00:06:52.685>where <00:06:52.937>your <00:06:53.189>proposals <00:06:53.441>are <00:06:53.693>welcome.

157
00:06:53.835 --> 00:06:57.005
<00:06:53.835>They <00:06:54.010>all <00:06:54.185>give <00:06:54.359>you <00:06:54.534>information <00:06:54.710>about <00:06:54.885>other <00:06:55.060>people's <00:06:55.234>50%.

158
00:06:58.305 --> 00:07:01.265
<00:06:58.305>All <00:06:58.585>right? <00:06:58.865>But <00:06:59.145>above <00:06:59.425>all <00:06:59.705>else,

159
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<00:07:01.395>don't <00:07:01.522>make <00:07:01.649>it <00:07:01.776>about <00:07:01.904>you <00:07:02.031>only <00:07:02.158>own <00:07:02.285>your <00:07:02.413>half <00:07:02.540>own, <00:07:02.667>your <00:07:02.794>50%

160
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<00:07:06.125>of <00:07:06.620>any <00:07:07.115>situation.

161
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<00:07:07.225>You <00:07:07.425>can't <00:07:07.625>be <00:07:07.825>responsible <00:07:08.025>for <00:07:08.225>other <00:07:08.425>people's <00:07:08.625>behavior.

162
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<00:07:11.055>It's, <00:07:11.288>you <00:07:11.521>cannot <00:07:11.755>personally <00:07:11.988>be <00:07:12.221>responsible, <00:07:12.455>uh,

163
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<00:07:14.165>for <00:07:14.365>someone <00:07:14.565>else <00:07:14.765>not <00:07:14.965>taking <00:07:15.165>out <00:07:15.365>the <00:07:15.565>trash.

164
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<00:07:16.175>That <00:07:16.330>was <00:07:16.486>their <00:07:16.641>job, <00:07:16.797>that <00:07:16.952>was <00:07:17.108>their <00:07:17.263>50%. <00:07:17.419>Uh, <00:07:17.575>you.

165
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<00:07:19.405>And <00:07:19.854>to <00:07:20.304>take <00:07:20.755>responsibility

166
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<00:07:21.205>for <00:07:21.438>another <00:07:21.671>person's <00:07:21.905>50% <00:07:22.138>is <00:07:22.371>a <00:07:22.604>disservice.

167
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<00:07:24.645>You <00:07:24.857>can <00:07:25.069>only <00:07:25.282>own <00:07:25.494>your <00:07:25.707>half.

168
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<00:07:28.855>All <00:07:29.555>right, <00:07:30.255>apologizing.

169
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<00:07:32.065>Now <00:07:32.298>at <00:07:32.531>Amazon, <00:07:32.765>we <00:07:32.998>had <00:07:33.231>this <00:07:33.465>thing

170
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<00:07:33.725>called <00:07:34.031>a <00:07:34.337>correction <00:07:34.643>of <00:07:34.948>errors.

171
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<00:07:35.125>I <00:07:35.325>actually <00:07:35.525>have <00:07:35.725>lots <00:07:35.925>of <00:07:36.125>stories <00:07:36.325>about <00:07:36.525>apologizing

172
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<00:07:37.465>and <00:07:37.640>how <00:07:37.815>you <00:07:37.990>should <00:07:38.165>definitely <00:07:38.340>not <00:07:38.515>ever <00:07:38.690>do <00:07:38.865>it

173
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<00:07:39.505>unless <00:07:39.738>you <00:07:39.971>really <00:07:40.205>need <00:07:40.438>to <00:07:40.671>do <00:07:40.905>it

174
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<00:07:41.665>and <00:07:41.832>when <00:07:41.999>you <00:07:42.166>really <00:07:42.333>need <00:07:42.500>to <00:07:42.667>do <00:07:42.835>it.

175
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<00:07:43.505>Uh <00:07:43.660>oh. <00:07:43.816>Actually, <00:07:43.971>I'll <00:07:44.127>just <00:07:44.282>tell <00:07:44.438>this <00:07:44.593>one <00:07:44.749>for <00:07:44.905>fun.

176
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<00:07:45.725>I <00:07:45.919>used <00:07:46.113>to <00:07:46.308>be <00:07:46.502>a <00:07:46.697>waiter

177
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<00:07:47.065>and <00:07:47.205>I <00:07:47.344>noticed <00:07:47.485>that <00:07:47.625>the <00:07:47.765>clients <00:07:47.905>in <00:07:48.045>the <00:07:48.185>store <00:07:48.325>were <00:07:48.465>absolutely

178
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<00:07:51.805>horrible <00:07:52.085>when <00:07:52.365>the <00:07:52.645>waiters <00:07:52.925>would <00:07:53.205>apologize

179
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<00:07:53.985>for <00:07:54.233>something <00:07:54.481>like <00:07:54.730>dropping <00:07:54.978>a <00:07:55.227>fork.

180
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<00:07:56.225>And <00:07:56.458>it <00:07:56.691>was <00:07:56.925>as <00:07:57.158>though <00:07:57.391>by <00:07:57.625>apologizing

181
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<00:07:59.445>for <00:07:59.600>the <00:07:59.756>fork <00:07:59.911>having <00:08:00.067>hit <00:08:00.222>the <00:08:00.378>floor, <00:08:00.533>they <00:08:00.689>had <00:08:00.844>admitted

182
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<00:08:03.075>that <00:08:03.328>they <00:08:03.582>were <00:08:03.836>a <00:08:04.090>guilty <00:08:04.344>party.

183
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<00:08:04.545>And <00:08:04.700>the <00:08:04.856>other <00:08:05.011>people <00:08:05.167>wanted <00:08:05.322>to <00:08:05.478>dog <00:08:05.633>pile <00:08:05.789>on <00:08:05.945>that

184
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<00:08:07.405>because <00:08:07.604>now <00:08:07.804>they <00:08:08.005>had <00:08:08.205>permission <00:08:08.405>to <00:08:08.604>feel <00:08:08.804>offended.

185
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<00:08:10.105>And <00:08:10.305>I <00:08:10.505>realized <00:08:10.705>that <00:08:10.905>if <00:08:11.105>you <00:08:11.305>never <00:08:11.505>acknowledge

186
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<00:08:12.205>that <00:08:12.360>the <00:08:12.516>four <00:08:12.671>kit, <00:08:12.827>the <00:08:12.982>floor, <00:08:13.138>they <00:08:13.293>did <00:08:13.449>not <00:08:13.604>care.

187
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<00:08:14.435>They <00:08:14.590>would <00:08:14.746>not <00:08:14.901>get <00:08:15.057>unhappy. <00:08:15.212>And <00:08:15.368>that's <00:08:15.523>what <00:08:15.679>led <00:08:15.835>me.

188
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<00:08:17.385>But <00:08:17.713>then <00:08:18.042>if <00:08:18.370>something <00:08:18.699>happened,

189
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<00:08:18.845>like <00:08:19.020>the <00:08:19.195>food <00:08:19.370>was <00:08:19.545>incredibly <00:08:19.720>late <00:08:19.895>to <00:08:20.070>the <00:08:20.245>table

190
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<00:08:20.905>and <00:08:21.080>the <00:08:21.255>waiter <00:08:21.429>never <00:08:21.604>apologized, <00:08:21.780>that <00:08:21.955>was <00:08:22.130>even <00:08:22.304>worse

191
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<00:08:23.355>because <00:08:23.495>then <00:08:23.635>the <00:08:23.775>person <00:08:23.915>had <00:08:24.055>a <00:08:24.195>real <00:08:24.335>reason <00:08:24.475>to <00:08:24.615>be <00:08:24.755>upset.

192
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<00:08:26.385>So <00:08:26.501>as <00:08:26.618>I, <00:08:26.735>I <00:08:26.851>had <00:08:26.968>this <00:08:27.085>personal <00:08:27.201>rule <00:08:27.318>of <00:08:27.435>do <00:08:27.551>not <00:08:27.668>ever <00:08:27.784>apologize

193
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<00:08:30.665>unless <00:08:30.945>there <00:08:31.225>has <00:08:31.505>been <00:08:31.785>harm <00:08:32.065>done.

194
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<00:08:32.905>If <00:08:33.044>there <00:08:33.184>is <00:08:33.324>harm <00:08:33.464>done, <00:08:33.605>and <00:08:33.745>I'm <00:08:33.885>sorry <00:08:34.025>you <00:08:34.164>English <00:08:34.304>people

195
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<00:08:35.164>don't <00:08:35.320>know <00:08:35.476>how <00:08:35.631>to <00:08:35.787>do <00:08:35.942>this, <00:08:36.098>but <00:08:36.253>I'm <00:08:36.409>telling <00:08:36.564>you,

196
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<00:08:37.745>you're <00:08:38.015>working <00:08:38.284>with <00:08:38.554>very <00:08:38.825>direct <00:08:39.095>people.

197
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<00:08:39.265>If <00:08:39.465>you <00:08:39.664>apologize <00:08:39.865>for <00:08:40.064>something, <00:08:40.265>they <00:08:40.465>are <00:08:40.664>going

198
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<00:08:41.005>to <00:08:41.238>assume <00:08:41.471>you <00:08:41.705>have <00:08:41.938>committed <00:08:42.171>some <00:08:42.405>harm,

199
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<00:08:43.385>and <00:08:43.552>then <00:08:43.719>they're <00:08:43.886>gonna <00:08:44.053>be <00:08:44.220>upset <00:08:44.387>with <00:08:44.555>you.

200
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<00:08:45.145>So <00:08:45.345>only <00:08:45.545>apologize <00:08:45.745>when <00:08:45.944>there <00:08:46.145>is <00:08:46.345>harm <00:08:46.545>done.

201
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<00:08:47.265>And <00:08:47.513>that <00:08:47.761>is <00:08:48.010>the <00:08:48.258>important <00:08:48.507>part

202
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<00:08:48.645>because <00:08:48.845>a <00:08:49.045>lot <00:08:49.245>of <00:08:49.444>people <00:08:49.645>don't <00:08:49.845>do <00:08:50.045>this.

203
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<00:08:51.105>And <00:08:51.221>that <00:08:51.338>is <00:08:51.455>very <00:08:51.571>bad <00:08:51.688>for <00:08:51.805>just, <00:08:51.921>uh, <00:08:52.038>well, <00:08:52.155>it's <00:08:52.271>an <00:08:52.388>easy <00:08:52.505>way

204
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<00:08:54.805>to <00:08:55.035>make <00:08:55.265>sure <00:08:55.496>nobody <00:08:55.726>likes <00:08:55.957>you

205
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<00:08:56.085>and <00:08:56.293>hold <00:08:56.502>grudge <00:08:56.711>against <00:08:56.920>you <00:08:57.129>forever.

206
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<00:08:57.585>At <00:08:57.725>Amazon, <00:08:57.865>we <00:08:58.005>had <00:08:58.145>this <00:08:58.285>thing <00:08:58.425>called <00:08:58.565>a <00:08:58.705>correction <00:08:58.845>of <00:08:58.985>errors.

207
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<00:09:01.065>Uh, <00:09:01.240>it's <00:09:01.415>if <00:09:01.590>a <00:09:01.765>failure <00:09:01.940>of <00:09:02.115>a <00:09:02.290>service <00:09:02.465>has,

208
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<00:09:05.925>I <00:09:06.125>gotta <00:09:06.324>put <00:09:06.525>this <00:09:06.724>down, <00:09:06.925>has <00:09:07.125>impacted <00:09:07.324>customers.

209
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<00:09:08.625>You <00:09:08.765>had <00:09:08.905>to <00:09:09.045>file <00:09:09.185>an <00:09:09.325>act <00:09:09.465>on <00:09:09.605>one <00:09:09.745>of <00:09:09.885>these <00:09:10.025>correction

210
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<00:09:11.525>of <00:09:11.699>errors <00:09:11.875>in <00:09:12.050>front <00:09:12.225>of <00:09:12.400>an <00:09:12.574>entire <00:09:12.750>engineering <00:09:12.925>team.

211
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<00:09:15.505>It <00:09:15.680>was <00:09:15.855>not <00:09:16.030>at <00:09:16.205>all <00:09:16.380>used <00:09:16.555>to <00:09:16.730>shame <00:09:16.905>people

212
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<00:09:17.225>or <00:09:17.526>weaponized <00:09:17.828>in <00:09:18.129>any <00:09:18.431>way.

213
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<00:09:19.285>Um, <00:09:19.751>this <00:09:20.218>is <00:09:20.685>being

214
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<00:09:22.525>recorded, <00:09:22.991>so <00:09:23.458>anyway, <00:09:23.925>deleted.

215
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<00:09:24.795>It's <00:09:25.074>okay. <00:09:25.354>All <00:09:25.635>right. <00:09:25.915>All <00:09:26.194>right.

216
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<00:09:28.065>Anyway, <00:09:28.240>I <00:09:28.415>had <00:09:28.590>no <00:09:28.765>stock <00:09:28.940>tips <00:09:29.115>for <00:09:29.290>y'all <00:09:29.465>today.

217
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<00:09:34.185>Impact <00:09:34.651>outweighs <00:09:35.118>your <00:09:35.584>intentions.

218
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<00:09:36.145>It <00:09:36.300>doesn't <00:09:36.456>matter <00:09:36.611>what <00:09:36.767>you <00:09:36.922>were <00:09:37.078>trying <00:09:37.233>to <00:09:37.389>say <00:09:37.545>you

219
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<00:09:38.605>or <00:09:38.745>trying <00:09:38.885>to <00:09:39.025>tell <00:09:39.165>'em <00:09:39.305>that <00:09:39.445>it <00:09:39.585>looked <00:09:39.725>nice <00:09:39.865>on <00:09:40.005>them.

220
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<00:09:40.825>You <00:09:40.965>didn't, <00:09:41.105>you <00:09:41.245>didn't <00:09:41.385>mean <00:09:41.525>it <00:09:41.665>like <00:09:41.805>that. <00:09:41.945>It <00:09:42.085>doesn't <00:09:42.225>matter.

221
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<00:09:44.435>Your <00:09:44.668>impact <00:09:44.901>is <00:09:45.135>more <00:09:45.368>than <00:09:45.601>your <00:09:45.834>intentions.

222
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<00:09:47.715>Your <00:09:47.948>internal <00:09:48.181>state <00:09:48.415>does <00:09:48.648>not <00:09:48.881>outweigh <00:09:49.115>someone

223
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<00:09:50.425>else's <00:09:50.938>internal <00:09:51.451>state.

224
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<00:09:51.895>50 <00:09:52.050>50. <00:09:52.206>Remember, <00:09:52.361>the <00:09:52.517>important <00:09:52.672>thing <00:09:52.828>at <00:09:52.983>these <00:09:53.139>meetings <00:09:53.295>was

225
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<00:09:56.445>to <00:09:56.667>take <00:09:56.889>the <00:09:57.111>self <00:09:57.333>out <00:09:57.555>of <00:09:57.776>it.

226
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<00:09:57.925>People <00:09:58.064>would <00:09:58.204>not <00:09:58.344>get <00:09:58.484>down <00:09:58.625>into <00:09:58.765>the <00:09:58.905>nitty <00:09:59.045>gritty <00:09:59.185>of, <00:09:59.324>well,

227
00:10:00.625 --> 00:10:03.405
<00:10:00.625>you <00:10:00.752>didn't <00:10:00.879>ship <00:10:01.006>the <00:10:01.134>thing <00:10:01.261>on <00:10:01.388>time <00:10:01.515>and <00:10:01.643>that's <00:10:01.770>why <00:10:01.897>No, <00:10:02.025>no.

228
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<00:10:03.705>It <00:10:03.860>was <00:10:04.016>like, <00:10:04.171>well, <00:10:04.327>the <00:10:04.482>thing <00:10:04.638>didn't <00:10:04.793>ship <00:10:04.949>on <00:10:05.105>time.

229
00:10:06.185 --> 00:10:08.365
<00:10:06.185>And <00:10:06.312>that <00:10:06.439>resulted <00:10:06.566>in <00:10:06.694>this. <00:10:06.821>And <00:10:06.948>that <00:10:07.075>resulted <00:10:07.203>in <00:10:07.330>that <00:10:07.457>you <00:10:07.584>try

230
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<00:10:08.365>to <00:10:08.565>be <00:10:08.765>objective <00:10:08.965>to <00:10:09.165>describe <00:10:09.365>what <00:10:09.565>happened <00:10:09.765>objectively,

231
00:10:11.485 --> 00:10:13.485
<00:10:11.485>without <00:10:11.951>emotion, <00:10:12.418>without <00:10:12.885>adjectives,

232
00:10:13.865 --> 00:10:15.565
<00:10:13.865>no <00:10:14.215>adjectives <00:10:14.565>allowed <00:10:14.915>only <00:10:15.265>numbers,

233
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<00:10:15.715>only <00:10:16.174>outcomes, <00:10:16.633>only <00:10:17.092>facts.

234
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<00:10:18.485>I <00:10:18.718>I <00:10:18.951>loved <00:10:19.185>that <00:10:19.418>about <00:10:19.651>Amazon <00:10:19.885>culture.

235
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<00:10:21.225>So <00:10:21.423>the <00:10:21.621>steps <00:10:21.819>went <00:10:22.017>like <00:10:22.215>this.

236
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<00:10:22.325>You <00:10:22.465>would <00:10:22.605>list <00:10:22.745>what <00:10:22.885>the <00:10:23.025>heck <00:10:23.165>happened, <00:10:23.305>what <00:10:23.445>was <00:10:23.585>the <00:10:23.725>impact?

237
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<00:10:26.425>Who <00:10:26.552>did <00:10:26.679>it <00:10:26.806>hurt? <00:10:26.934>What <00:10:27.061>was <00:10:27.188>lost? <00:10:27.315>How <00:10:27.443>much <00:10:27.570>did <00:10:27.697>it <00:10:27.824>cost?

238
00:10:29.905 --> 00:10:33.165
<00:10:29.905>Uh, <00:10:30.060>what <00:10:30.216>was <00:10:30.371>the <00:10:30.527>root <00:10:30.682>cause? <00:10:30.838>Find <00:10:30.993>that <00:10:31.149>root <00:10:31.305>cause.

239
00:10:33.275 --> 00:10:35.245
<00:10:33.275>Find <00:10:33.449>out <00:10:33.625>what <00:10:33.800>the <00:10:33.975>thing <00:10:34.150>was <00:10:34.324>that <00:10:34.500>caused <00:10:34.675>it,

240
00:10:35.425 --> 00:10:38.445
<00:10:35.425>and <00:10:35.625>then <00:10:35.824>not <00:10:36.025>really <00:10:36.224>worrying <00:10:36.425>about, <00:10:36.625>you <00:10:36.824>know,

241
00:10:38.445 --> 00:10:40.045
<00:10:38.445>whose <00:10:38.645>fault <00:10:38.845>it <00:10:39.045>was, <00:10:39.245>what <00:10:39.445>did <00:10:39.645>we <00:10:39.845>learn?

242
00:10:40.465 --> 00:10:42.365
<00:10:40.465>And <00:10:40.581>then <00:10:40.698>there'd <00:10:40.815>be <00:10:40.931>a <00:10:41.048>follow <00:10:41.165>up <00:10:41.281>for <00:10:41.398>how <00:10:41.515>do <00:10:41.631>we <00:10:41.748>make <00:10:41.865>sure

243
00:10:42.365 --> 00:10:43.485
<00:10:42.365>that <00:10:42.701>never <00:10:43.037>happens <00:10:43.373>again?

244
00:10:43.485 --> 00:10:46.085
<00:10:43.485>And <00:10:43.625>that's <00:10:43.765>where <00:10:43.905>the <00:10:44.045>real <00:10:44.185>heavy <00:10:44.325>lifting <00:10:44.465>came <00:10:44.605>in <00:10:44.745>was <00:10:44.885>like,

245
00:10:46.195 --> 00:10:48.045
<00:10:46.195>okay, <00:10:46.428>uh, <00:10:46.661>we <00:10:46.895>need <00:10:47.128>to <00:10:47.361>make <00:10:47.595>sure

246
00:10:48.045 --> 00:10:51.085
<00:10:48.045>that <00:10:48.200>there <00:10:48.356>is <00:10:48.511>always <00:10:48.667>someone <00:10:48.822>available <00:10:48.978>to <00:10:49.133>be <00:10:49.289>on, <00:10:49.444>uh,

247
00:10:51.145 --> 00:10:53.045
<00:10:51.145>to <00:10:51.319>make <00:10:51.495>sure <00:10:51.670>that <00:10:51.845>these <00:10:52.020>things <00:10:52.194>are <00:10:52.370>actually <00:10:52.545>launching

248
00:10:53.045 --> 00:10:55.485
<00:10:53.045>to <00:10:53.200>production <00:10:53.356>when <00:10:53.511>other <00:10:53.667>things <00:10:53.822>are, <00:10:53.978>uh, <00:10:54.133>relying <00:10:54.289>on <00:10:54.444>them.

249
00:10:56.465 --> 00:11:00.005
<00:10:56.465>So <00:10:56.605>apologizing <00:10:56.745>is <00:10:56.885>a <00:10:57.025>lot <00:10:57.165>like <00:10:57.305>filing <00:10:57.445>a <00:10:57.585>correction <00:10:57.725>of <00:10:57.865>errors.

250
00:11:00.145 --> 00:11:04.605
<00:11:00.145>But <00:11:00.378>for <00:11:00.611>interpersonal <00:11:00.845>failure, <00:11:01.078>much <00:11:01.311>like, <00:11:01.545>no,

251
00:11:04.755 --> 00:11:07.765
<00:11:04.755>much <00:11:04.930>like <00:11:05.105>stop, <00:11:05.280>I'm <00:11:05.455>sorry, <00:11:05.630>is <00:11:05.805>a <00:11:05.980>complete <00:11:06.155>sentence.

252
00:11:07.875 --> 00:11:10.605
<00:11:07.875>Full <00:11:08.075>stop. <00:11:08.275>You <00:11:08.475>don't <00:11:08.675>need <00:11:08.875>a <00:11:09.075>but <00:11:09.275>if,

253
00:11:11.505 --> 00:11:14.565
<00:11:11.505>and <00:11:11.705>no, <00:11:11.905>no, <00:11:12.105>no, <00:11:12.305>no, <00:11:12.505>just, <00:11:12.705>I'm <00:11:12.905>sorry.

254
00:11:15.025 --> 00:11:16.405
<00:11:15.025>And <00:11:15.232>then <00:11:15.439>you, <00:11:15.646>you <00:11:15.853>let <00:11:16.060>it <00:11:16.266>breathe

255
00:11:16.935 --> 00:11:18.325
<00:11:16.935>until <00:11:17.185>it <00:11:17.435>feels <00:11:17.685>a <00:11:17.935>little <00:11:18.186>awkward.

256
00:11:19.075 --> 00:11:23.245
<00:11:19.075>Just <00:11:19.250>say <00:11:19.425>that. <00:11:19.600>And <00:11:19.775>then <00:11:19.950>you <00:11:20.125>state <00:11:20.300>what <00:11:20.475>happened.

257
00:11:23.905 --> 00:11:25.285
<00:11:23.905>Uh, <00:11:24.112>this <00:11:24.319>is <00:11:24.526>the <00:11:24.733>the <00:11:24.939>fun <00:11:25.146>part.

258
00:11:25.465 --> 00:11:28.125
<00:11:25.465>You <00:11:25.665>know, <00:11:25.865>you <00:11:26.065>say, <00:11:26.265>I'm <00:11:26.465>sorry, <00:11:26.665>awkward <00:11:26.865>pause.

259
00:11:29.555 --> 00:11:33.155
<00:11:29.555>I <00:11:29.710>took <00:11:29.866>credit <00:11:30.021>for <00:11:30.177>an <00:11:30.332>idea <00:11:30.488>that <00:11:30.643>you <00:11:30.799>shared <00:11:30.954>earlier.

260
00:11:33.975 --> 00:11:37.115
<00:11:33.975>You <00:11:34.115>know, <00:11:34.255>if <00:11:34.395>you <00:11:34.535>felt <00:11:34.675>like <00:11:34.815>just <00:11:34.955>I, <00:11:35.095>yeah, <00:11:35.235>this <00:11:35.375>is,

261
00:11:37.115 --> 00:11:38.635
<00:11:37.115>this <00:11:37.388>is <00:11:37.662>about <00:11:37.935>their <00:11:38.209>internal <00:11:38.483>state.

262
00:11:39.255 --> 00:11:41.315
<00:11:39.255>Uh, <00:11:39.430>what <00:11:39.605>then <00:11:39.780>you <00:11:39.955>state <00:11:40.130>what <00:11:40.305>the <00:11:40.480>impact <00:11:40.655>was.

263
00:11:41.535 --> 00:11:45.155
<00:11:41.535>You <00:11:41.651>know, <00:11:41.768>I <00:11:41.885>was, <00:11:42.001>um, <00:11:42.118>I <00:11:42.235>was <00:11:42.351>put <00:11:42.468>in <00:11:42.584>charge <00:11:42.701>of <00:11:42.818>that <00:11:42.935>project,

264
00:11:45.695 --> 00:11:46.955
<00:11:45.695>uh, <00:11:46.073>and <00:11:46.451>you <00:11:46.829>weren't.

265
00:11:47.855 --> 00:11:49.555
<00:11:47.855>And <00:11:48.088>then <00:11:48.321>what <00:11:48.555>was <00:11:48.788>the <00:11:49.021>root <00:11:49.255>cause?

266
00:11:49.745 --> 00:11:53.205
<00:11:49.745>Well, <00:11:49.861>you <00:11:49.978>know, <00:11:50.095>I <00:11:50.211>did <00:11:50.328>the <00:11:50.445>five <00:11:50.561>why's <00:11:50.678>and <00:11:50.795>got <00:11:50.911>back <00:11:51.028>to <00:11:51.145>it,

267
00:11:53.205 --> 00:11:54.805
<00:11:53.205>and <00:11:53.438>no <00:11:53.671>one, <00:11:53.905>not <00:11:54.138>even <00:11:54.371>I <00:11:54.605>noticed

268
00:11:54.955 --> 00:11:56.965
<00:11:54.955>that <00:11:55.130>idea <00:11:55.305>when <00:11:55.480>you <00:11:55.655>shared <00:11:55.830>it <00:11:56.005>two <00:11:56.180>weeks <00:11:56.355>ago.

269
00:11:57.745 --> 00:11:59.205
<00:11:57.745>Uh, <00:11:58.007>you, <00:11:58.270>you <00:11:58.533>did <00:11:58.796>share <00:11:59.059>it.

270
00:11:59.205 --> 00:12:01.125
<00:11:59.205>We <00:11:59.405>have <00:11:59.605>the <00:11:59.805>record, <00:12:00.005>uh, <00:12:00.205>in <00:12:00.405>the <00:12:00.605>recording,

271
00:12:01.265 --> 00:12:02.725
<00:12:01.265>and, <00:12:01.527>uh, <00:12:01.790>no <00:12:02.053>one <00:12:02.316>noticed <00:12:02.579>it.

272
00:12:02.985 --> 00:12:04.285
<00:12:02.985>So <00:12:03.219>when <00:12:03.453>I <00:12:03.687>stated <00:12:03.920>it <00:12:04.155>later,

273
00:12:04.945 --> 00:12:07.125
<00:12:04.945>it <00:12:05.100>really <00:12:05.256>looked <00:12:05.411>like <00:12:05.567>I <00:12:05.722>was <00:12:05.878>ripping <00:12:06.033>you <00:12:06.189>off <00:12:06.345>there.

274
00:12:07.545 --> 00:12:10.125
<00:12:07.545>And <00:12:07.672>what <00:12:07.799>I <00:12:07.926>learned <00:12:08.054>from <00:12:08.181>all <00:12:08.308>this, <00:12:08.435>this <00:12:08.563>is <00:12:08.690>an <00:12:08.817>important <00:12:08.944>one.

275
00:12:10.125 --> 00:12:12.405
<00:12:10.125>What <00:12:10.280>we <00:12:10.436>learned <00:12:10.591>is <00:12:10.747>that <00:12:10.902>we <00:12:11.058>need <00:12:11.213>to <00:12:11.369>make <00:12:11.525>sure

276
00:12:12.555 --> 00:12:14.285
<00:12:12.555>that <00:12:12.755>we're <00:12:12.954>hearing <00:12:13.155>each <00:12:13.354>other <00:12:13.555>in <00:12:13.755>these <00:12:13.954>meetings,

277
00:12:14.785 --> 00:12:17.245
<00:12:14.785>and <00:12:14.959>we <00:12:15.135>could <00:12:15.310>definitely <00:12:15.485>use <00:12:15.660>a <00:12:15.834>formalized <00:12:16.010>proposal <00:12:16.185>process.

278
00:12:17.345 --> 00:12:19.045
<00:12:17.345>So <00:12:17.545>no <00:12:17.745>more <00:12:17.945>great <00:12:18.145>ideas <00:12:18.345>hit <00:12:18.545>the <00:12:18.745>floor.

279
00:12:19.135 --> 00:12:20.805
<00:12:19.135>We're <00:12:19.415>lucky <00:12:19.694>this <00:12:19.975>one <00:12:20.255>just <00:12:20.535>happened

280
00:12:20.805 --> 00:12:22.405
<00:12:20.805>to <00:12:21.038>get <00:12:21.271>picked <00:12:21.505>up <00:12:21.738>by <00:12:21.971>accident <00:12:22.204>later.

281
00:12:22.425 --> 00:12:24.605
<00:12:22.425>But <00:12:22.599>how <00:12:22.775>many <00:12:22.949>other <00:12:23.125>awesome <00:12:23.300>ideas <00:12:23.474>have <00:12:23.650>you <00:12:23.824>been

282
00:12:24.605 --> 00:12:25.645
<00:12:24.605>sharing <00:12:24.839>that <00:12:25.073>nobody's <00:12:25.307>been <00:12:25.540>hearing?

283
00:12:25.735 --> 00:12:28.165
<00:12:25.735>Let's <00:12:25.875>make <00:12:26.015>sure <00:12:26.155>you <00:12:26.295>hear <00:12:26.435>we <00:12:26.575>are <00:12:26.715>hearing <00:12:26.855>each <00:12:26.995>other <00:12:27.135>now.

284
00:12:28.695 --> 00:12:32.885
<00:12:28.695>There <00:12:28.835>you <00:12:28.975>go. <00:12:29.115>So <00:12:29.255>another <00:12:29.395>one <00:12:29.535>of <00:12:29.675>the, <00:12:29.815>the <00:12:29.955>biggest <00:12:30.095>causes

285
00:12:32.885 --> 00:12:36.085
<00:12:32.885>of <00:12:33.060>altercations <00:12:33.235>is <00:12:33.410>when <00:12:33.585>people <00:12:33.760>don't <00:12:33.935>recognize <00:12:34.110>the <00:12:34.285>power

286
00:12:36.205 --> 00:12:39.125
<00:12:36.205>differential <00:12:36.485>between <00:12:36.765>themselves <00:12:37.045>and <00:12:37.325>someone <00:12:37.605>else.

287
00:12:40.305 --> 00:12:41.885
<00:12:40.305>Um, <00:12:40.584>I <00:12:40.864>really <00:12:41.145>struggle <00:12:41.425>with <00:12:41.704>this

288
00:12:41.885 --> 00:12:43.845
<00:12:41.885>because <00:12:42.085>I <00:12:42.285>figure <00:12:42.485>we <00:12:42.685>are <00:12:42.885>all <00:12:43.085>equals <00:12:43.285>here.

289
00:12:44.035 --> 00:12:46.645
<00:12:44.035>It's <00:12:44.190>like, <00:12:44.346>ah, <00:12:44.501>you <00:12:44.657>are <00:12:44.812>a <00:12:44.968>smart, <00:12:45.123>functioning <00:12:45.279>human <00:12:45.435>being,

290
00:12:46.705 --> 00:12:48.685
<00:12:46.705>and <00:12:46.905>I <00:12:47.105>am <00:12:47.305>a <00:12:47.505>smart, <00:12:47.705>functioning <00:12:47.905>human <00:12:48.105>being.

291
00:12:49.425 --> 00:12:51.125
<00:12:49.425>We <00:12:49.599>should <00:12:49.775>be <00:12:49.949>able <00:12:50.125>to <00:12:50.300>disagree <00:12:50.474>with <00:12:50.650>one <00:12:50.824>another,

292
00:12:51.145 --> 00:12:53.445
<00:12:51.145>and <00:12:51.378>there <00:12:51.611>will <00:12:51.845>be <00:12:52.078>no <00:12:52.311>unpleasant <00:12:52.545>consequences.

293
00:12:55.745 --> 00:12:59.085
<00:12:55.745>How <00:12:55.920>wrong? <00:12:56.095>I <00:12:56.270>have <00:12:56.445>a <00:12:56.620>trick <00:12:56.795>for <00:12:56.970>this <00:12:57.145>one,

294
00:12:59.085 --> 00:13:02.005
<00:12:59.085>and <00:12:59.285>I <00:12:59.485>call <00:12:59.685>it <00:12:59.885>big <00:13:00.085>dog, <00:13:00.285>little <00:13:00.485>dog.

295
00:13:02.325 --> 00:13:05.005
<00:13:02.325>I <00:13:02.500>like <00:13:02.675>to <00:13:02.850>think <00:13:03.025>of <00:13:03.200>people <00:13:03.375>as <00:13:03.550>dogs, <00:13:03.725>given

296
00:13:05.005 --> 00:13:06.925
<00:13:05.005>that <00:13:05.238>this <00:13:05.471>is <00:13:05.705>the <00:13:05.938>oldest <00:13:06.171>domesticated <00:13:06.405>animal,

297
00:13:06.925 --> 00:13:09.645
<00:13:06.925>and <00:13:07.099>we <00:13:07.275>have <00:13:07.449>evidence <00:13:07.625>that <00:13:07.800>they <00:13:07.974>co <00:13:08.150>domesticated <00:13:08.324>us

298
00:13:09.665 --> 00:13:11.965
<00:13:09.665>as <00:13:09.805>we <00:13:09.944>both <00:13:10.084>shrank <00:13:10.224>and <00:13:10.365>brain <00:13:10.505>size <00:13:10.645>around <00:13:10.785>the <00:13:10.925>same <00:13:11.064>time.

299
00:13:12.585 --> 00:13:14.605
<00:13:12.585>Um, <00:13:12.865>I <00:13:13.145>think <00:13:13.425>we <00:13:13.705>can <00:13:13.985>say

300
00:13:14.605 --> 00:13:17.645
<00:13:14.605>that <00:13:14.745>dogs <00:13:14.885>are <00:13:15.025>like <00:13:15.165>our <00:13:15.305>closest <00:13:15.445>cousin <00:13:15.585>on <00:13:15.725>this <00:13:15.865>planet <00:13:16.005>in

301
00:13:17.645 --> 00:13:20.005
<00:13:17.645>terms <00:13:17.845>of <00:13:18.045>like, <00:13:18.245>emotional <00:13:18.444>relation <00:13:18.645>to <00:13:18.845>one <00:13:19.045>another.

302
00:13:20.145 --> 00:13:23.645
<00:13:20.145>So <00:13:20.378>this <00:13:20.611>is <00:13:20.845>perfectly, <00:13:21.078>perfectly <00:13:21.311>perfect <00:13:21.545>example.

303
00:13:24.105 --> 00:13:28.125
<00:13:24.105>So <00:13:24.245>I <00:13:24.385>imagine <00:13:24.525>people <00:13:24.665>as <00:13:24.805>dogs, <00:13:24.945>like <00:13:25.085>the <00:13:25.225>power <00:13:25.365>differences, <00:13:25.505>uh,

304
00:13:28.225 --> 00:13:29.885
<00:13:28.225>are <00:13:28.400>the <00:13:28.575>difference <00:13:28.750>in <00:13:28.925>the <00:13:29.100>size <00:13:29.275>of <00:13:29.450>the <00:13:29.625>dog.

305
00:13:30.785 --> 00:13:34.125
<00:13:30.785>You <00:13:30.959>know, <00:13:31.135>I <00:13:31.310>imagine, <00:13:31.485>you <00:13:31.660>know, <00:13:31.834>people <00:13:32.010>who <00:13:32.185>are

306
00:13:35.925 --> 00:13:38.605
<00:13:35.925>powerful <00:13:36.099>with <00:13:36.275>lots <00:13:36.449>of <00:13:36.625>agency, <00:13:36.800>you <00:13:36.974>know, <00:13:37.150>the <00:13:37.324>director,

307
00:13:38.825 --> 00:13:40.045
<00:13:38.825>et <00:13:39.044>cetera, <00:13:39.264>they're <00:13:39.483>a <00:13:39.703>big <00:13:39.923>dog.

308
00:13:40.155 --> 00:13:41.725
<00:13:40.155>They're <00:13:40.505>a <00:13:40.855>big <00:13:41.204>dog, <00:13:41.555>right?

309
00:13:41.985 --> 00:13:43.805
<00:13:41.985>And <00:13:42.218>then <00:13:42.451>you've <00:13:42.685>got <00:13:42.918>like <00:13:43.151>the <00:13:43.385>junior

310
00:13:44.185 --> 00:13:45.725
<00:13:44.185>or <00:13:44.415>the <00:13:44.646>intern, <00:13:44.877>they're <00:13:45.109>a <00:13:45.340>little <00:13:45.571>dog.

311
00:13:45.725 --> 00:13:49.245
<00:13:45.725>They're <00:13:45.900>chihuahua <00:13:46.075>and <00:13:46.250>you <00:13:46.425>know, <00:13:46.600>you <00:13:46.775>know <00:13:46.950>that <00:13:47.125>chihuahuas,

312
00:13:49.245 --> 00:13:51.085
<00:13:49.245>they're <00:13:49.595>like <00:13:49.945>all <00:13:50.295>the <00:13:50.645>time

313
00:13:51.105 --> 00:13:52.565
<00:13:51.105>and, <00:13:51.292>you <00:13:51.480>know, <00:13:51.668>why <00:13:51.855>are <00:13:52.043>they <00:13:52.231>like <00:13:52.419>that?

314
00:13:52.585 --> 00:13:55.365
<00:13:52.585>Oh <00:13:52.701>my <00:13:52.818>God. <00:13:52.935>But <00:13:53.051>if <00:13:53.168>a <00:13:53.285>big <00:13:53.401>dog <00:13:53.518>was <00:13:53.635>like, <00:13:53.751>whoa, <00:13:53.868>whoa, <00:13:53.985>whoa,

315
00:13:55.425 --> 00:13:56.765
<00:13:55.425>all <00:13:55.626>the <00:13:55.827>time, <00:13:56.028>you'd <00:13:56.228>be <00:13:56.430>scared, <00:13:56.631>right?

316
00:13:57.105 --> 00:13:59.165
<00:13:57.105>So <00:13:57.260>imagine <00:13:57.416>if <00:13:57.571>a <00:13:57.727>director <00:13:57.882>acted <00:13:58.038>the <00:13:58.193>same <00:13:58.349>way, <00:13:58.505>some

317
00:13:59.165 --> 00:14:00.885
<00:13:59.165>of <00:13:59.398>the <00:13:59.631>more <00:13:59.865>scared <00:14:00.098>interns <00:14:00.331>acted, <00:14:00.564>right?

318
00:14:01.515 --> 00:14:02.565
<00:14:01.515>That <00:14:01.704>would <00:14:01.893>be <00:14:02.082>kind <00:14:02.271>of <00:14:02.460>scary.

319
00:14:02.735 --> 00:14:04.125
<00:14:02.735>You'd <00:14:02.943>feel <00:14:03.152>like <00:14:03.360>you <00:14:03.569>couldn't <00:14:03.777>trust <00:14:03.986>them.

320
00:14:04.145 --> 00:14:06.445
<00:14:04.145>They'd <00:14:04.378>be, <00:14:04.611>you <00:14:04.845>know, <00:14:05.078>uh, <00:14:05.311>lashing <00:14:05.545>out.

321
00:14:06.445 --> 00:14:07.845
<00:14:06.445>Little <00:14:06.655>dogs <00:14:06.865>can <00:14:07.075>get <00:14:07.285>away <00:14:07.495>with <00:14:07.705>that

322
00:14:08.035 --> 00:14:10.845
<00:14:08.035>because <00:14:08.190>they're, <00:14:08.346>they <00:14:08.501>could <00:14:08.657>be <00:14:08.812>stepped <00:14:08.968>on <00:14:09.123>at <00:14:09.279>any <00:14:09.435>moment.

323
00:14:10.845 --> 00:14:12.325
<00:14:10.845>They <00:14:11.011>have <00:14:11.178>a <00:14:11.344>lot <00:14:11.511>less <00:14:11.677>power <00:14:11.844>in <00:14:12.010>the <00:14:12.177>world.

324
00:14:12.635 --> 00:14:14.205
<00:14:12.635>They <00:14:12.868>could <00:14:13.101>be <00:14:13.335>hurt <00:14:13.568>by <00:14:13.801>bigger <00:14:14.035>dogs

325
00:14:14.545 --> 00:14:15.965
<00:14:14.545>or <00:14:15.184>unintended <00:14:15.823>consequences.

326
00:14:16.035 --> 00:14:17.885
<00:14:16.035>They <00:14:16.162>have <00:14:16.289>to <00:14:16.416>be <00:14:16.544>like, <00:14:16.671>I <00:14:16.798>need <00:14:16.925>a <00:14:17.053>place <00:14:17.180>at <00:14:17.307>this <00:14:17.435>table.

327
00:14:18.955 --> 00:14:21.285
<00:14:18.955>What <00:14:19.110>you're <00:14:19.266>doing <00:14:19.421>is <00:14:19.577>about <00:14:19.732>to <00:14:19.888>hurt <00:14:20.043>me. <00:14:20.199>Please <00:14:20.355>stop.

328
00:14:21.905 --> 00:14:24.725
<00:14:21.905>And <00:14:22.045>they <00:14:22.185>can <00:14:22.324>do <00:14:22.464>that. <00:14:22.605>But <00:14:22.745>when <00:14:22.885>you're <00:14:23.025>in <00:14:23.165>a <00:14:23.305>relationship

329
00:14:24.785 --> 00:14:28.645
<00:14:24.785>and <00:14:24.912>you're <00:14:25.039>the <00:14:25.166>bigger <00:14:25.294>dog, <00:14:25.421>well, <00:14:25.548>I <00:14:25.675>mean, <00:14:25.803>hang <00:14:25.930>on <00:14:26.057>a <00:14:26.185>moment.

330
00:14:28.645 --> 00:14:30.005
<00:14:28.645>We've <00:14:28.889>got <00:14:29.134>cute <00:14:29.379>dog <00:14:29.624>photos <00:14:29.869>here.

331
00:14:30.145 --> 00:14:32.845
<00:14:30.145>Little <00:14:30.300>dogs <00:14:30.456>have <00:14:30.611>the <00:14:30.767>most <00:14:30.922>to <00:14:31.078>lose, <00:14:31.233>uh, <00:14:31.389>the <00:14:31.545>most

332
00:14:32.865 --> 00:14:34.965
<00:14:32.865>to <00:14:33.215>lose <00:14:33.565>in <00:14:33.915>any <00:14:34.265>confrontation.

333
00:14:35.465 --> 00:14:38.045
<00:14:35.465>Uh, <00:14:35.665>they're <00:14:35.865>weaker. <00:14:36.065>Uh, <00:14:36.265>they, <00:14:36.465>they <00:14:36.665>are <00:14:36.865>smaller.

334
00:14:38.395 --> 00:14:41.845
<00:14:38.395>They <00:14:38.550>don't <00:14:38.706>have <00:14:38.861>as <00:14:39.017>many <00:14:39.172>options <00:14:39.328>if <00:14:39.483>things <00:14:39.639>go <00:14:39.795>badly.

335
00:14:42.425 --> 00:14:45.005
<00:14:42.425>And <00:14:42.552>in <00:14:42.679>that <00:14:42.806>regard, <00:14:42.934>you <00:14:43.061>can <00:14:43.188>kind <00:14:43.315>of <00:14:43.443>give <00:14:43.570>'em <00:14:43.697>a <00:14:43.824>pass.

336
00:14:45.585 --> 00:14:47.125
<00:14:45.585>If <00:14:45.862>they <00:14:46.139>get <00:14:46.416>a <00:14:46.693>little <00:14:46.971>yappy

337
00:14:47.125 --> 00:14:49.205
<00:14:47.125>or <00:14:47.358>bity, <00:14:47.591>you <00:14:47.825>kind <00:14:48.058>of <00:14:48.291>understand <00:14:48.525>that.

338
00:14:50.765 --> 00:14:52.405
<00:14:50.765>I <00:14:50.965>mean, <00:14:51.165>we <00:14:51.365>all <00:14:51.564>start <00:14:51.765>as <00:14:51.965>little <00:14:52.165>dogs.

339
00:14:52.685 --> 00:14:55.485
<00:14:52.685>Children <00:14:52.859>are <00:14:53.035>always <00:14:53.209>the <00:14:53.385>smallest <00:14:53.560>dogs <00:14:53.734>in <00:14:53.910>the <00:14:54.084>room.

340
00:14:55.595 --> 00:14:59.045
<00:14:55.595>They <00:14:55.770>have <00:14:55.945>the <00:14:56.120>least <00:14:56.295>ability <00:14:56.470>to <00:14:56.645>advocate <00:14:56.820>for <00:14:56.995>themselves.

341
00:14:59.705 --> 00:15:01.645
<00:14:59.705>Um, <00:14:59.985>they <00:15:00.265>have <00:15:00.545>the <00:15:00.825>least <00:15:01.105>agency,

342
00:15:01.645 --> 00:15:02.965
<00:15:01.645>and <00:15:01.814>we've <00:15:01.984>all <00:15:02.154>been <00:15:02.323>them <00:15:02.493>at <00:15:02.663>one <00:15:02.833>point.

343
00:15:03.345 --> 00:15:06.045
<00:15:03.345>And <00:15:03.500>now <00:15:03.656>big <00:15:03.811>dogs, <00:15:03.967>they <00:15:04.122>are <00:15:04.278>in <00:15:04.433>positions <00:15:04.589>of <00:15:04.745>power.

344
00:15:07.145 --> 00:15:09.285
<00:15:07.145>Uh, <00:15:07.845>control <00:15:08.545>means.

345
00:15:11.495 --> 00:15:14.755
<00:15:11.495>So <00:15:11.635>it's <00:15:11.775>not <00:15:11.915>pretty <00:15:12.055>when <00:15:12.195>big <00:15:12.335>dogs <00:15:12.475>act <00:15:12.615>like <00:15:12.755>little <00:15:12.895>dogs.

346
00:15:14.975 --> 00:15:16.995
<00:15:14.975>And <00:15:15.130>this <00:15:15.286>happens <00:15:15.441>as <00:15:15.597>you <00:15:15.752>move <00:15:15.908>forward <00:15:16.063>in <00:15:16.219>your <00:15:16.375>career,

347
00:15:17.055 --> 00:15:21.475
<00:15:17.055>you're <00:15:17.229>gonna <00:15:17.405>go <00:15:17.579>from <00:15:17.755>junior <00:15:17.930>to <00:15:18.104>senior <00:15:18.280>to <00:15:18.454>principal,

348
00:15:21.475 --> 00:15:22.875
<00:15:21.475>to <00:15:21.727>staff, <00:15:21.979>to <00:15:22.231>manager, <00:15:22.483>to <00:15:22.735>direct.

349
00:15:23.095 --> 00:15:25.555
<00:15:23.095>You <00:15:23.250>get <00:15:23.406>more <00:15:23.561>power <00:15:23.717>by <00:15:23.872>virtue <00:15:24.028>of <00:15:24.183>playing <00:15:24.339>the <00:15:24.495>game.

350
00:15:25.655 --> 00:15:27.835
<00:15:25.655>Not <00:15:25.771>all <00:15:25.888>of <00:15:26.005>us, <00:15:26.121>a <00:15:26.238>lot <00:15:26.355>of <00:15:26.471>people <00:15:26.588>from <00:15:26.704>an <00:15:26.821>authorized <00:15:26.938>groups <00:15:27.055>are

351
00:15:27.835 --> 00:15:30.315
<00:15:27.835>just <00:15:27.962>gonna <00:15:28.089>tap <00:15:28.216>out <00:15:28.344>and <00:15:28.471>be <00:15:28.598>stuck <00:15:28.725>at <00:15:28.853>senior <00:15:28.980>until <00:15:29.107>they <00:15:29.235>die.

352
00:15:30.375 --> 00:15:32.155
<00:15:30.375>I'm <00:15:30.575>sorry. <00:15:30.775>It's <00:15:30.975>true. <00:15:31.175>Look <00:15:31.375>at <00:15:31.575>the <00:15:31.775>numbers.

353
00:15:32.265 --> 00:15:34.715
<00:15:32.265>It's <00:15:32.498>really <00:15:32.731>disappointing. <00:15:32.965>Um, <00:15:33.198>I <00:15:33.431>hate <00:15:33.665>that.

354
00:15:35.335 --> 00:15:37.755
<00:15:35.335>Uh, <00:15:35.462>but <00:15:35.589>as <00:15:35.716>people <00:15:35.844>go <00:15:35.971>up <00:15:36.098>through <00:15:36.225>the <00:15:36.353>ranks, <00:15:36.480>I've <00:15:36.607>watched <00:15:36.735>many

355
00:15:37.755 --> 00:15:40.675
<00:15:37.755>of <00:15:37.895>them <00:15:38.035>never <00:15:38.175>learn <00:15:38.314>how <00:15:38.455>to <00:15:38.595>stop <00:15:38.735>yapping <00:15:38.875>like <00:15:39.015>a <00:15:39.155>chihuahua.

356
00:15:41.095 --> 00:15:42.635
<00:15:41.095>You <00:15:41.249>know, <00:15:41.403>you <00:15:41.557>sit <00:15:41.711>in <00:15:41.865>the <00:15:42.019>meeting <00:15:42.173>with <00:15:42.327>the <00:15:42.481>director

357
00:15:42.635 --> 00:15:45.595
<00:15:42.635>and <00:15:42.835>he's <00:15:43.035>like, <00:15:43.235>what <00:15:43.435>are <00:15:43.635>you, <00:15:43.835>are <00:15:44.035>you,

358
00:15:45.695 --> 00:15:47.915
<00:15:45.695>are <00:15:45.895>you <00:15:46.095>assaulting <00:15:46.295>my <00:15:46.495>authority <00:15:46.695>by <00:15:46.895>questioning <00:15:47.095>this?

359
00:15:48.215 --> 00:15:50.755
<00:15:48.215>And <00:15:48.342>it's <00:15:48.469>like, <00:15:48.596>wow, <00:15:48.724>dude, <00:15:48.851>that <00:15:48.978>is <00:15:49.105>an <00:15:49.233>unpleasant <00:15:49.360>look <00:15:49.487>on <00:15:49.615>you.

360
00:15:51.015 --> 00:15:54.235
<00:15:51.015>Um, <00:15:51.215>like <00:15:51.415>you're <00:15:51.615>not <00:15:51.814>a <00:15:52.015>little <00:15:52.215>dog <00:15:52.415>anymore.

361
00:15:54.295 --> 00:15:56.675
<00:15:54.295>You've, <00:15:54.450>you've <00:15:54.606>got <00:15:54.761>power. <00:15:54.917>You <00:15:55.072>need <00:15:55.228>to <00:15:55.383>act <00:15:55.539>like <00:15:55.694>it.

362
00:15:56.735 --> 00:15:59.155
<00:15:56.735>So <00:15:56.890>be <00:15:57.046>aware <00:15:57.201>of <00:15:57.357>the <00:15:57.512>power <00:15:57.668>difference <00:15:57.823>in <00:15:57.979>any <00:15:58.135>room,

363
00:15:59.255 --> 00:16:00.595
<00:15:59.255>any <00:15:59.556>conversation <00:15:59.858>you <00:16:00.159>walk <00:16:00.461>into,

364
00:16:00.825 --> 00:16:03.795
<00:16:00.825>like <00:16:01.000>imagine <00:16:01.175>a <00:16:01.350>powerful <00:16:01.525>executive <00:16:01.700>ruining <00:16:01.875>a <00:16:02.050>woman's <00:16:02.225>life

365
00:16:03.795 --> 00:16:05.515
<00:16:03.795>because <00:16:04.028>she <00:16:04.261>turned <00:16:04.495>him <00:16:04.728>down <00:16:04.961>for <00:16:05.194>dinner.

366
00:16:06.065 --> 00:16:08.955
<00:16:06.065>That <00:16:06.265>literally <00:16:06.465>has <00:16:06.665>happened <00:16:06.865>so <00:16:07.065>many <00:16:07.265>g*****n <00:16:07.465>times.

367
00:16:08.955 --> 00:16:12.035
<00:16:08.955>There's <00:16:09.130>a <00:16:09.305>whole <00:16:09.480>movement <00:16:09.655>named <00:16:09.830>after <00:16:10.005>it. <00:16:10.180>Uh, <00:16:10.355>yeah.

368
00:16:12.855 --> 00:16:14.355
<00:16:12.855>So <00:16:13.192>that's <00:16:13.530>what <00:16:13.867>I <00:16:14.205>like

369
00:16:14.355 --> 00:16:16.475
<00:16:14.355>to <00:16:14.588>call <00:16:14.821>some <00:16:15.055>little <00:16:15.288>dog <00:16:15.521>f*****g <00:16:15.755>b******t.

370
00:16:17.535 --> 00:16:20.915
<00:16:17.535>Um, <00:16:17.735>yeah, <00:16:17.935>power <00:16:18.135>dynamics <00:16:18.334>change <00:16:18.535>throughout <00:16:18.735>your <00:16:18.935>life.

371
00:16:20.915 --> 00:16:23.235
<00:16:20.915>There's <00:16:21.194>situational <00:16:21.474>and <00:16:21.755>open <00:16:22.035>source <00:16:22.314>maintainer,

372
00:16:23.235 --> 00:16:25.075
<00:16:23.235>for <00:16:23.585>instance, <00:16:23.935>fights <00:16:24.285>for <00:16:24.635>resources

373
00:16:25.075 --> 00:16:26.995
<00:16:25.075>and <00:16:25.425>sponsorships <00:16:25.775>while <00:16:26.125>they're <00:16:26.475>independent,

374
00:16:27.355 --> 00:16:28.795
<00:16:27.355>suddenly <00:16:27.614>joins <00:16:27.873>a <00:16:28.132>big <00:16:28.391>tech <00:16:28.651>company.

375
00:16:29.175 --> 00:16:32.595
<00:16:29.175>And <00:16:29.375>that <00:16:29.574>same <00:16:29.775>behavior, <00:16:29.974>that <00:16:30.175>same <00:16:30.375>behavior, <00:16:30.574>coupled

376
00:16:32.665 --> 00:16:35.275
<00:16:32.665>with <00:16:32.805>the <00:16:32.944>power <00:16:33.084>and <00:16:33.224>authority <00:16:33.365>of <00:16:33.505>the, <00:16:33.645>the <00:16:33.785>big <00:16:33.925>tech <00:16:34.064>company,

377
00:16:35.975 --> 00:16:38.715
<00:16:35.975>now <00:16:36.255>it <00:16:36.535>looks <00:16:36.815>defensive <00:16:37.095>and <00:16:37.375>confrontational

378
00:16:38.975 --> 00:16:41.355
<00:16:38.975>and <00:16:39.325>bullying, <00:16:39.675>it <00:16:40.025>suddenly <00:16:40.375>changes

379
00:16:41.545 --> 00:16:43.275
<00:16:41.545>because <00:16:42.011>their <00:16:42.478>position <00:16:42.944>changed.

380
00:16:43.855 --> 00:16:46.395
<00:16:43.855>So <00:16:44.010>when <00:16:44.166>they <00:16:44.321>walk <00:16:44.477>into <00:16:44.632>those <00:16:44.788>same <00:16:44.943>conversations, <00:16:45.099>it <00:16:45.255>helps

381
00:16:46.395 --> 00:16:48.555
<00:16:46.395>to <00:16:46.550>be <00:16:46.706>like, <00:16:46.861>hang <00:16:47.017>on, <00:16:47.172>who's <00:16:47.328>the <00:16:47.483>bigger <00:16:47.639>dog <00:16:47.795>here?

382
00:16:48.655 --> 00:16:52.315
<00:16:48.655>Oh, <00:16:48.795>I've <00:16:48.935>got <00:16:49.074>Microsoft <00:16:49.214>or, <00:16:49.355>or <00:16:49.495>meta <00:16:49.635>at <00:16:49.775>my <00:16:49.915>back. <00:16:50.055>Hmm.

383
00:16:52.595 --> 00:16:54.115
<00:16:52.595>I <00:16:52.790>might <00:16:52.985>have <00:16:53.181>to <00:16:53.376>use <00:16:53.572>a <00:16:53.767>lighter <00:16:53.963>touch

384
00:16:54.175 --> 00:16:58.875
<00:16:54.175>and <00:16:54.302>not <00:16:54.429>like <00:16:54.556>get <00:16:54.684>into <00:16:54.811>dog <00:16:54.938>fights, <00:16:55.065>uh, <00:16:55.193>like <00:16:55.320>I <00:16:55.447>used <00:16:55.574>to.

385
00:17:00.695 --> 00:17:04.555
<00:17:00.695>All <00:17:00.895>right? <00:17:01.095>So <00:17:01.295>whenever <00:17:01.495>you're <00:17:01.695>in <00:17:01.895>a <00:17:02.095>situation

386
00:17:04.615 --> 00:17:07.715
<00:17:04.615>and <00:17:04.742>things <00:17:04.869>are <00:17:04.996>getting <00:17:05.124>tense, <00:17:05.251>ask <00:17:05.378>yourself, <00:17:05.505>am <00:17:05.633>I <00:17:05.760>the <00:17:05.887>big <00:17:06.015>dog

387
00:17:07.715 --> 00:17:08.755
<00:17:07.714>or <00:17:07.949>the <00:17:08.183>little <00:17:08.417>dog <00:17:08.651>here?

388
00:17:09.695 --> 00:17:13.235
<00:17:09.694>And, <00:17:09.822>uh, <00:17:09.949>always <00:17:10.076>try <00:17:10.204>to <00:17:10.331>be <00:17:10.458>the <00:17:10.585>bigger <00:17:10.713>dog <00:17:10.840>in <00:17:10.967>any <00:17:11.095>situation.

389
00:17:13.535 --> 00:17:16.835
<00:17:13.535>Bigger <00:17:13.885>dogs <00:17:14.235>cool, <00:17:14.585>magnanimous, <00:17:14.935>chill,

390
00:17:17.245 --> 00:17:18.395
<00:17:17.244>lying <00:17:17.503>on <00:17:17.762>the <00:17:18.021>front <00:17:18.280>porch.

391
00:17:19.185 --> 00:17:21.035
<00:17:19.185>They <00:17:19.385>don't <00:17:19.585>really <00:17:19.784>lift <00:17:19.984>their <00:17:20.185>head <00:17:20.385>or <00:17:20.585>bark

392
00:17:21.055 --> 00:17:22.835
<00:17:21.055>unless <00:17:21.255>the <00:17:21.455>little <00:17:21.655>dogs <00:17:21.855>are <00:17:22.055>getting <00:17:22.255>into <00:17:22.455>it

393
00:17:22.835 --> 00:17:25.355
<00:17:22.835>and <00:17:23.068>they're <00:17:23.301>like, <00:17:23.535>woof, <00:17:23.768>quiet <00:17:24.001>down <00:17:24.235>kids.

394
00:17:26.675 --> 00:17:27.875
<00:17:26.675>I <00:17:27.034>strive <00:17:27.395>for <00:17:27.755>that.

395
00:17:27.875 --> 00:17:30.235
<00:17:27.875>Strive <00:17:28.030>to <00:17:28.186>bring <00:17:28.341>that <00:17:28.497>energy <00:17:28.652>in <00:17:28.808>when <00:17:28.963>you <00:17:29.119>are <00:17:29.275>the

396
00:17:30.235 --> 00:17:31.435
<00:17:30.235>bigger <00:17:30.504>dog <00:17:30.774>in <00:17:31.044>a <00:17:31.315>situation.

397
00:17:31.435 --> 00:17:34.475
<00:17:31.435>And <00:17:31.610>if <00:17:31.784>you're <00:17:31.960>the <00:17:32.135>little <00:17:32.310>dog, <00:17:32.485>yap <00:17:32.659>and <00:17:32.835>bite

398
00:17:34.475 --> 00:17:35.515
<00:17:34.475>and <00:17:34.591>do <00:17:34.709>all <00:17:34.826>the <00:17:34.943>things <00:17:35.060>you <00:17:35.177>have <00:17:35.294>to <00:17:35.411>do

399
00:17:35.515 --> 00:17:36.635
<00:17:35.515>because <00:17:35.716>you <00:17:35.918>will <00:17:36.119>get <00:17:36.321>stepped <00:17:36.523>on.

400
00:17:38.695 --> 00:17:40.955
<00:17:38.695>All <00:17:38.870>right? <00:17:39.044>I <00:17:39.220>I <00:17:39.395>won't <00:17:39.570>hold <00:17:39.745>it <00:17:39.919>against <00:17:40.095>you.

401
00:17:41.415 --> 00:17:45.595
<00:17:41.415>Uh, <00:17:41.590>so <00:17:41.764>boundaries, <00:17:41.940>we <00:17:42.115>are <00:17:42.290>taught <00:17:42.465>that <00:17:42.639>as <00:17:42.815>long

402
00:17:45.595 --> 00:17:49.325
<00:17:45.595>as <00:17:45.711>you <00:17:45.828>can <00:17:45.945>time <00:17:46.061>box <00:17:46.178>your <00:17:46.295>time <00:17:46.411>at <00:17:46.528>work, <00:17:46.645>you <00:17:46.761>should <00:17:46.878>have <00:17:46.995>lots

403
00:17:49.325 --> 00:17:51.245
<00:17:49.325>of <00:17:49.480>time <00:17:49.636>to <00:17:49.791>spend <00:17:49.947>on <00:17:50.102>your <00:17:50.258>quote <00:17:50.413>unquote <00:17:50.569>real <00:17:50.725>life.

404
00:17:51.545 --> 00:17:53.725
<00:17:51.545>But <00:17:51.700>let's <00:17:51.856>be <00:17:52.011>honest, <00:17:52.167>you <00:17:52.322>spend <00:17:52.478>five <00:17:52.633>days <00:17:52.789>a <00:17:52.945>week

405
00:17:53.725 --> 00:17:57.245
<00:17:53.725>with <00:17:53.880>coworkers <00:17:54.036>and, <00:17:54.191>and <00:17:54.347>projects, <00:17:54.502>uh, <00:17:54.658>during <00:17:54.813>your <00:17:54.969>work <00:17:55.125>life.

406
00:17:57.245 --> 00:17:58.925
<00:17:57.245>It <00:17:57.400>doesn't <00:17:57.556>leave <00:17:57.711>a <00:17:57.867>lot <00:17:58.022>of <00:17:58.178>you <00:17:58.333>time <00:17:58.489>in <00:17:58.645>there.

407
00:17:58.985 --> 00:18:00.325
<00:17:58.985>It <00:17:59.226>really <00:17:59.467>doesn't. <00:17:59.708>Like <00:17:59.949>most <00:18:00.191>of

408
00:18:00.325 --> 00:18:02.245
<00:18:00.325>that <00:18:00.465>time <00:18:00.605>is <00:18:00.745>spent <00:18:00.885>sleeping, <00:18:01.025>so <00:18:01.165>you <00:18:01.305>can <00:18:01.445>do <00:18:01.585>it <00:18:01.725>again.

409
00:18:03.305 --> 00:18:04.445
<00:18:03.305>Um, <00:18:03.647>there's <00:18:03.989>no <00:18:04.331>balance.

410
00:18:04.865 --> 00:18:07.965
<00:18:04.865>The <00:18:05.020>work <00:18:05.176>life <00:18:05.331>balance, <00:18:05.487>uh, <00:18:05.642>ethos <00:18:05.798>that <00:18:05.953>we've <00:18:06.109>been <00:18:06.265>eating

411
00:18:07.985 --> 00:18:09.725
<00:18:07.985>for <00:18:08.185>the <00:18:08.385>past <00:18:08.584>20 <00:18:08.784>years <00:18:08.985>is <00:18:09.185>a <00:18:09.385>lie.

412
00:18:10.225 --> 00:18:13.085
<00:18:10.225>Uh, <00:18:10.380>what <00:18:10.536>you're <00:18:10.691>doing <00:18:10.847>is <00:18:11.002>actually <00:18:11.158>carving <00:18:11.313>out <00:18:11.469>large <00:18:11.625>swaths

413
00:18:13.085 --> 00:18:15.405
<00:18:13.085>of <00:18:13.318>your <00:18:13.551>lifespan <00:18:13.785>for <00:18:14.018>a <00:18:14.251>company's <00:18:14.485>use.

414
00:18:15.795 --> 00:18:17.725
<00:18:15.795>They're <00:18:16.495>unrestricted <00:18:17.195>use.

415
00:18:18.765 --> 00:18:21.045
<00:18:18.765>I <00:18:18.905>feel <00:18:19.045>like <00:18:19.185>you <00:18:19.325>Europeans <00:18:19.465>don't <00:18:19.605>need <00:18:19.745>to <00:18:19.885>hear <00:18:20.025>this. <00:18:20.165>What?

416
00:18:21.045 --> 00:18:23.445
<00:18:21.045>Pardon? <00:18:21.220>No, <00:18:21.395>you <00:18:21.570>British <00:18:21.745>definitely <00:18:21.920>need <00:18:22.095>to <00:18:22.270>hear <00:18:22.445>this.

417
00:18:23.585 --> 00:18:28.165
<00:18:23.585>I'm <00:18:23.712>sorry. <00:18:23.839>Uh, <00:18:23.966>are <00:18:24.094>the, <00:18:24.221>how <00:18:24.348>many <00:18:24.475>of <00:18:24.603>you <00:18:24.730>are <00:18:24.857>are <00:18:24.985>British?

418
00:18:30.875 --> 00:18:32.005
<00:18:30.875>Yeah, <00:18:31.078>you <00:18:31.281>need <00:18:31.485>to <00:18:31.688>hear <00:18:31.892>this.

419
00:18:33.645 --> 00:18:38.485
<00:18:33.645>I <00:18:33.761>feel <00:18:33.878>like <00:18:33.995>I, <00:18:34.111>we'll, <00:18:34.228>we'll <00:18:34.345>do <00:18:34.461>not <00:18:34.578>have <00:18:34.695>an <00:18:34.811>extra <00:18:34.928>half <00:18:35.045>hour

420
00:18:38.485 --> 00:18:40.925
<00:18:38.485>for <00:18:38.625>me <00:18:38.764>to <00:18:38.905>talk <00:18:39.044>about, <00:18:39.185>uh, <00:18:39.324>old <00:18:39.465>world, <00:18:39.604>new <00:18:39.745>world <00:18:39.885>thinking.

421
00:18:41.145 --> 00:18:43.045
<00:18:41.145>Anyway, <00:18:41.611>there's <00:18:42.078>this <00:18:42.545>idea

422
00:18:43.045 --> 00:18:45.685
<00:18:43.045>that <00:18:43.220>you <00:18:43.395>can <00:18:43.570>like <00:18:43.745>Bento <00:18:43.920>box <00:18:44.095>your <00:18:44.270>calendar <00:18:44.445>enough

423
00:18:45.685 --> 00:18:49.645
<00:18:45.685>that <00:18:45.840>somehow, <00:18:45.996>uh, <00:18:46.151>in <00:18:46.307>an <00:18:46.462>always <00:18:46.618>on <00:18:46.773>future, <00:18:46.929>uh, <00:18:47.085>culture

424
00:18:49.735 --> 00:18:52.485
<00:18:49.735>where <00:18:49.875>we <00:18:50.014>have <00:18:50.155>our <00:18:50.294>bosses <00:18:50.435>in <00:18:50.574>our <00:18:50.715>pockets, <00:18:50.854>the <00:18:50.995>only <00:18:51.135>reason

425
00:18:52.485 --> 00:18:54.645
<00:18:52.485>that <00:18:52.685>you <00:18:52.885>can't <00:18:53.084>find <00:18:53.284>time <00:18:53.485>is <00:18:53.685>a <00:18:53.885>lack

426
00:18:54.645 --> 00:18:56.925
<00:18:54.645>of <00:18:54.995>self-discipline <00:18:55.345>to <00:18:55.695>turn <00:18:56.045>off.

427
00:18:56.985 --> 00:18:58.765
<00:18:56.985>Or, <00:18:57.218>well, <00:18:57.451>you <00:18:57.685>didn't <00:18:57.918>budget <00:18:58.151>15 <00:18:58.385>minutes

428
00:18:58.905 --> 00:19:00.445
<00:18:58.905>for <00:18:59.251>a <00:18:59.598>healthy <00:18:59.944>yoga <00:19:00.291>break.

429
00:19:01.955 --> 00:19:06.925
<00:19:01.955>F**k <00:19:02.110>you. <00:19:02.266>So <00:19:02.421>rather <00:19:02.577>than <00:19:02.732>looking <00:19:02.888>to <00:19:03.043>balance <00:19:03.199>the <00:19:03.355>unequal

430
00:19:06.925 --> 00:19:10.525
<00:19:06.925>or <00:19:07.080>separate <00:19:07.236>the <00:19:07.391>un <00:19:07.547>separate, <00:19:07.702>I <00:19:07.858>prefer <00:19:08.013>to <00:19:08.169>set <00:19:08.325>boundaries.

431
00:19:10.575 --> 00:19:15.485
<00:19:10.575>Boundaries <00:19:10.715>are <00:19:10.855>awesome, <00:19:10.995>um, <00:19:11.135>to <00:19:11.275>control <00:19:11.415>how <00:19:11.555>much <00:19:11.695>of <00:19:11.835>my <00:19:11.975>time

432
00:19:15.485 --> 00:19:19.605
<00:19:15.485>and <00:19:15.685>energy <00:19:15.885>other <00:19:16.084>entities <00:19:16.284>are <00:19:16.485>allowed <00:19:16.685>to <00:19:16.885>use.

433
00:19:20.105 --> 00:19:23.965
<00:19:20.105>And <00:19:20.245>I <00:19:20.385>like <00:19:20.525>to <00:19:20.665>think <00:19:20.805>that <00:19:20.945>working <00:19:21.085>hours <00:19:21.225>are <00:19:21.365>like <00:19:21.505>checks

434
00:19:24.075 --> 00:19:27.285
<00:19:24.075>forever, <00:19:24.275>increasing <00:19:24.475>sums <00:19:24.675>of <00:19:24.875>hours <00:19:25.075>if <00:19:25.275>time <00:19:25.475>were

435
00:19:27.955 --> 00:19:28.965
<00:19:27.955>time, <00:19:28.257>were <00:19:28.561>a <00:19:28.864>currency.

436
00:19:30.145 --> 00:19:32.725
<00:19:30.145>So <00:19:30.425>anyway, <00:19:30.705>we've <00:19:30.985>got <00:19:31.264>emotional <00:19:31.545>boundaries

437
00:19:32.745 --> 00:19:34.605
<00:19:32.745>and <00:19:33.094>we've <00:19:33.445>got <00:19:33.794>temporal <00:19:34.145>boundaries.

438
00:19:34.605 --> 00:19:36.325
<00:19:34.605>And <00:19:34.838>we're <00:19:35.071>gonna <00:19:35.305>start <00:19:35.538>with <00:19:35.771>temporal <00:19:36.005>boundaries.

439
00:19:36.695 --> 00:19:39.045
<00:19:36.695>Think <00:19:36.928>of <00:19:37.161>your <00:19:37.395>lifespan <00:19:37.628>as <00:19:37.861>a <00:19:38.095>currency.

440
00:19:40.035 --> 00:19:43.085
<00:19:40.035>Time <00:19:40.175>as <00:19:40.315>a <00:19:40.455>word <00:19:40.595>is <00:19:40.735>overused. <00:19:40.875>Oh, <00:19:41.015>I <00:19:41.155>don't <00:19:41.295>have <00:19:41.435>time.

441
00:19:43.625 --> 00:19:46.485
<00:19:43.625>We <00:19:43.741>should <00:19:43.858>make <00:19:43.975>more <00:19:44.091>time. <00:19:44.208>No, <00:19:44.325>no, <00:19:44.441>no, <00:19:44.558>no, <00:19:44.675>no, <00:19:44.791>no, <00:19:44.908>no, <00:19:45.025>no.

442
00:19:46.915 --> 00:19:49.365
<00:19:46.915>Time <00:19:47.115>doesn't <00:19:47.315>mean <00:19:47.514>anything <00:19:47.715>anymore. <00:19:47.915>We've <00:19:48.115>overused <00:19:48.315>it.

443
00:19:49.365 --> 00:19:52.045
<00:19:49.365>We've <00:19:49.481>killed <00:19:49.598>it. <00:19:49.715>It's <00:19:49.831>like <00:19:49.948>ai, <00:19:50.065>it's <00:19:50.181>a <00:19:50.298>phrase <00:19:50.415>we <00:19:50.531>use <00:19:50.648>so <00:19:50.765>much.

444
00:19:52.045 --> 00:19:53.085
<00:19:52.045>We <00:19:52.201>don't <00:19:52.357>know <00:19:52.513>what <00:19:52.669>it <00:19:52.825>means <00:19:52.981>anymore.

445
00:19:53.825 --> 00:19:58.125
<00:19:53.825>Uh, <00:19:53.980>time <00:19:54.136>under <00:19:54.291>the <00:19:54.447>word <00:19:54.602>time <00:19:54.758>undervalues <00:19:54.913>our <00:19:55.069>most <00:19:55.225>precious

446
00:19:58.645 --> 00:20:01.685
<00:19:58.645>finite <00:19:58.995>re <00:19:59.345>resource, <00:19:59.695>our <00:20:00.045>lifespan.

447
00:20:02.025 --> 00:20:05.245
<00:20:02.025>You <00:20:02.165>don't <00:20:02.305>get <00:20:02.445>it <00:20:02.585>back. <00:20:02.725>That's <00:20:02.865>the <00:20:03.005>great <00:20:03.145>joke. <00:20:03.285>It's <00:20:03.425>gone.

448
00:20:06.065 --> 00:20:09.325
<00:20:06.065>Uh, <00:20:06.265>what <00:20:06.465>you're <00:20:06.665>really <00:20:06.865>spending <00:20:07.065>is <00:20:07.265>not <00:20:07.465>time,

449
00:20:09.945 --> 00:20:12.165
<00:20:09.945>but <00:20:10.294>your <00:20:10.645>existence, <00:20:10.995>your <00:20:11.345>lifespan.

450
00:20:13.795 --> 00:20:16.085
<00:20:13.795>Okay? <00:20:13.970>So <00:20:14.145>here, <00:20:14.320>think <00:20:14.495>about <00:20:14.670>it <00:20:14.845>as <00:20:15.020>a <00:20:15.195>currency.

451
00:20:16.095 --> 00:20:17.325
<00:20:16.095>We're <00:20:16.371>gonna <00:20:16.648>call <00:20:16.925>it <00:20:17.202>span.

452
00:20:17.355 --> 00:20:19.365
<00:20:17.355>It's <00:20:17.635>not <00:20:17.915>Bitcoin, <00:20:18.195>it's <00:20:18.475>not <00:20:18.755>the

453
00:20:19.645 --> 00:20:20.885
<00:20:19.645>USD <00:20:19.868>or <00:20:20.091>the <00:20:20.314>great <00:20:20.537>British <00:20:20.761>Pound.

454
00:20:20.885 --> 00:20:23.645
<00:20:20.885>It's <00:20:21.040>span <00:20:21.196>and <00:20:21.351>it's <00:20:21.507>unique <00:20:21.662>to <00:20:21.818>the <00:20:21.973>country <00:20:22.129>of <00:20:22.285>you.

455
00:20:24.265 --> 00:20:28.165
<00:20:24.265>Uh, <00:20:24.420>finding <00:20:24.576>time. <00:20:24.731>That's <00:20:24.887>like <00:20:25.042>writing <00:20:25.198>a <00:20:25.353>check <00:20:25.509>for <00:20:25.665>span.

456
00:20:28.385 --> 00:20:32.085
<00:20:28.385>I'm <00:20:28.560>gonna <00:20:28.735>give <00:20:28.910>you <00:20:29.085>a <00:20:29.260>promise <00:20:29.435>of <00:20:29.610>my <00:20:29.785>lifespan.

457
00:20:32.225 --> 00:20:33.645
<00:20:32.225>I'm <00:20:32.544>finding <00:20:32.864>time <00:20:33.183>for <00:20:33.503>you.

458
00:20:33.875 --> 00:20:36.445
<00:20:33.875>Finding <00:20:34.050>time <00:20:34.225>for <00:20:34.400>my <00:20:34.575>project, <00:20:34.750>running <00:20:34.925>out <00:20:35.100>of <00:20:35.275>time,

459
00:20:37.035 --> 00:20:39.165
<00:20:37.035>overdraft <00:20:37.385>from <00:20:37.735>your <00:20:38.085>span <00:20:38.435>account.

460
00:20:39.225 --> 00:20:41.565
<00:20:39.225>You, <00:20:39.399>you <00:20:39.574>know, <00:20:39.750>you're <00:20:39.925>gonna <00:20:40.100>bounce <00:20:40.274>those <00:20:40.449>time <00:20:40.625>checks.

461
00:20:42.465 --> 00:20:45.725
<00:20:42.465>Uh, <00:20:42.639>and <00:20:42.814>work <00:20:42.990>is <00:20:43.165>exchanging <00:20:43.340>your <00:20:43.514>span <00:20:43.689>for <00:20:43.865>money.

462
00:20:45.785 --> 00:20:47.525
<00:20:45.785>You <00:20:46.065>aren't <00:20:46.345>doing <00:20:46.625>a <00:20:46.905>currency <00:20:47.185>exchange.

463
00:20:47.525 --> 00:20:49.965
<00:20:47.525>You're <00:20:47.725>like, <00:20:47.925>here's <00:20:48.125>two <00:20:48.325>hours <00:20:48.525>of <00:20:48.725>my <00:20:48.925>lifespan.

464
00:20:50.225 --> 00:20:51.565
<00:20:50.225>Please <00:20:50.526>give <00:20:50.828>me <00:20:51.129>the <00:20:51.431>money.

465
00:20:51.885 --> 00:20:54.445
<00:20:51.885>I <00:20:52.060>need <00:20:52.235>to <00:20:52.410>go <00:20:52.585>exchange <00:20:52.760>it <00:20:52.935>for <00:20:53.110>two <00:20:53.285>hours

466
00:20:54.665 --> 00:20:58.525
<00:20:54.665>of <00:20:54.805>someone <00:20:54.945>picking <00:20:55.085>food <00:20:55.225>for <00:20:55.365>me <00:20:55.504>in <00:20:55.645>a, <00:20:55.784>a <00:20:55.925>crop <00:20:56.065>somewhere.

467
00:20:58.865 --> 00:21:02.645
<00:20:58.865>That's <00:20:59.020>how <00:20:59.176>it <00:20:59.331>is. <00:20:59.487>Money <00:20:59.642>is, <00:20:59.798>uh, <00:20:59.953>actually <00:21:00.109>just <00:21:00.265>a,

468
00:21:02.725 --> 00:21:04.525
<00:21:02.725>a <00:21:03.074>great <00:21:03.425>currency <00:21:03.774>for <00:21:04.125>time.

469
00:21:04.825 --> 00:21:08.965
<00:21:04.825>And <00:21:04.965>spend <00:21:05.105>carving <00:21:05.245>up <00:21:05.385>your <00:21:05.525>life <00:21:05.665>into <00:21:05.805>eight <00:21:05.945>hour <00:21:06.085>work <00:21:06.225>days

470
00:21:08.965 --> 00:21:11.645
<00:21:08.965>breaks <00:21:09.314>down <00:21:09.665>with <00:21:10.014>more <00:21:10.365>responsibility.

471
00:21:12.105 --> 00:21:14.005
<00:21:12.105>Uh, <00:21:12.385>for <00:21:12.665>instance, <00:21:12.945>if <00:21:13.225>plant <00:21:13.505>fails

472
00:21:14.305 --> 00:21:15.445
<00:21:14.305>and <00:21:14.818>you're <00:21:15.331>like,

473
00:21:15.465 --> 00:21:17.205
<00:21:15.465>no <00:21:15.639>one's <00:21:15.814>gonna <00:21:15.990>be <00:21:16.165>like, <00:21:16.340>oh, <00:21:16.514>the <00:21:16.689>plant <00:21:16.865>failed.

474
00:21:17.315 --> 00:21:18.845
<00:21:17.315>Well, <00:21:18.692>it's

475
00:21:18.845 --> 00:21:22.285
<00:21:18.845>after <00:21:18.972>5:00 <00:21:19.099>PM <00:21:19.226>so <00:21:19.354>I <00:21:19.481>guess <00:21:19.608>all <00:21:19.735>those <00:21:19.863>poor <00:21:19.990>people <00:21:20.117>are <00:21:20.245>gonna

476
00:21:22.285 --> 00:21:24.005
<00:21:22.285>have <00:21:22.635>to <00:21:22.985>like <00:21:23.335>get <00:21:23.685>bent.

477
00:21:24.585 --> 00:21:26.605
<00:21:24.585>No, <00:21:24.785>that <00:21:24.985>doesn't <00:21:25.185>happen. <00:21:25.385>People <00:21:25.585>who <00:21:25.785>have <00:21:25.985>lots

478
00:21:26.605 --> 00:21:27.965
<00:21:26.605>of <00:21:27.216>responsibility, <00:21:27.829>uh,

479
00:21:28.065 --> 00:21:31.125
<00:21:28.065>or <00:21:28.220>even <00:21:28.376>people <00:21:28.531>who <00:21:28.687>just, <00:21:28.842>well, <00:21:28.998>honestly, <00:21:29.153>just <00:21:29.309>good <00:21:29.465>citizens.

480
00:21:31.125 --> 00:21:33.685
<00:21:31.125>Like <00:21:31.252>what? <00:21:31.379>There's <00:21:31.506>a <00:21:31.634>flood. <00:21:31.761>Okay, <00:21:31.888>I'm <00:21:32.015>gonna <00:21:32.143>go <00:21:32.270>help <00:21:32.397>with <00:21:32.525>it.

481
00:21:33.945 --> 00:21:37.285
<00:21:33.945>Um, <00:21:34.120>that <00:21:34.294>happens. <00:21:34.470>It's <00:21:34.645>just <00:21:34.820>the <00:21:34.995>way <00:21:35.169>things <00:21:35.345>are.

482
00:21:37.985 --> 00:21:39.965
<00:21:37.985>An <00:21:38.218>executive <00:21:38.451>friend <00:21:38.685>of <00:21:38.918>mine <00:21:39.151>showed, <00:21:39.385>shared

483
00:21:40.035 --> 00:21:43.645
<00:21:40.035>that <00:21:40.210>in <00:21:40.385>the <00:21:40.560>always <00:21:40.735>on, <00:21:40.910>uh, <00:21:41.085>culture <00:21:41.260>that, <00:21:41.435>uh,

484
00:21:43.995 --> 00:21:47.565
<00:21:43.995>CEOs <00:21:44.135>et <00:21:44.274>cetera <00:21:44.415>live <00:21:44.554>in, <00:21:44.695>they <00:21:44.834>do <00:21:44.975>a <00:21:45.114>reverse <00:21:45.254>car <00:21:45.395>instead

485
00:21:47.565 --> 00:21:50.365
<00:21:47.565>of <00:21:47.740>setting <00:21:47.915>aside <00:21:48.090>parts <00:21:48.265>of <00:21:48.440>their <00:21:48.615>life <00:21:48.790>for <00:21:48.965>work.

486
00:21:50.575 --> 00:21:51.645
<00:21:50.575>Their <00:21:50.896>life <00:21:51.217>is <00:21:51.538>work.

487
00:21:51.665 --> 00:21:53.565
<00:21:51.665>But <00:21:51.840>what <00:21:52.014>they <00:21:52.190>do <00:21:52.365>is <00:21:52.540>they <00:21:52.715>set <00:21:52.889>aside <00:21:53.065>parts

488
00:21:53.705 --> 00:21:55.765
<00:21:53.705>of <00:21:54.054>their <00:21:54.405>lifespan <00:21:54.754>for <00:21:55.105>themselves.

489
00:21:56.185 --> 00:21:59.445
<00:21:56.185>Uh, <00:21:56.340>like <00:21:56.496>setting <00:21:56.651>rocks <00:21:56.807>in <00:21:56.962>a <00:21:57.118>river <00:21:57.273>at <00:21:57.429>dinner <00:21:57.585>hours,

490
00:21:59.585 --> 00:22:02.405
<00:21:59.585>for <00:21:59.760>instance, <00:21:59.935>at <00:22:00.110>8:00 <00:22:00.285>PM <00:22:00.460>I'm <00:22:00.635>always <00:22:00.810>spending <00:22:00.985>it

491
00:22:02.405 --> 00:22:04.365
<00:22:02.405>with <00:22:02.754>my <00:22:03.105>kids <00:22:03.455>doctor's <00:22:03.805>appointments.

492
00:22:04.625 --> 00:22:06.005
<00:22:04.625>I'm <00:22:04.873>going <00:22:05.121>to <00:22:05.370>the <00:22:05.618>doctor <00:22:05.867>today.

493
00:22:06.545 --> 00:22:09.205
<00:22:06.545>You're <00:22:06.685>just <00:22:06.825>gonna <00:22:06.965>have <00:22:07.105>to <00:22:07.245>deal <00:22:07.385>with <00:22:07.525>it. <00:22:07.665>It's <00:22:07.805>a <00:22:07.945>reverse.

494
00:22:11.215 --> 00:22:14.235
<00:22:11.215>Um, <00:22:11.389>so <00:22:11.564>setting <00:22:11.740>aside, <00:22:11.915>um, <00:22:12.090>think <00:22:12.264>of <00:22:12.439>other <00:22:12.615>ways

495
00:22:14.235 --> 00:22:17.795
<00:22:14.235>that <00:22:14.390>you <00:22:14.546>can <00:22:14.701>set <00:22:14.857>aside, <00:22:15.012>you <00:22:15.168>know, <00:22:15.323>time <00:22:15.479>for <00:22:15.635>yourself.

496
00:22:18.255 --> 00:22:20.435
<00:22:18.255>For <00:22:18.430>instance, <00:22:18.605>you <00:22:18.780>could <00:22:18.955>set <00:22:19.130>aside <00:22:19.305>an <00:22:19.480>emergency <00:22:19.655>fund

497
00:22:20.435 --> 00:22:23.235
<00:22:20.435>of <00:22:20.668>lifespan, <00:22:20.901>block <00:22:21.135>off <00:22:21.368>vacation <00:22:21.601>time, <00:22:21.835>months

498
00:22:23.235 --> 00:22:24.235
<00:22:23.235>and <00:22:23.459>months <00:22:23.685>ahead <00:22:23.909>of <00:22:24.135>it.

499
00:22:24.455 --> 00:22:28.395
<00:22:24.455>Uh, <00:22:24.582>time <00:22:24.709>You <00:22:24.836>can <00:22:24.964>give <00:22:25.091>yourself <00:22:25.218>a <00:22:25.345>span <00:22:25.473>allowance <00:22:25.600>to <00:22:25.727>take <00:22:25.855>care

500
00:22:28.395 --> 00:22:30.075
<00:22:28.395>of <00:22:28.628>yourself <00:22:28.861>and <00:22:29.095>those <00:22:29.328>you <00:22:29.561>care <00:22:29.795>about.

501
00:22:30.075 --> 00:22:31.435
<00:22:30.075>Typically, <00:22:30.319>this <00:22:30.564>is <00:22:30.809>called <00:22:31.054>the <00:22:31.299>weekend,

502
00:22:31.455 --> 00:22:32.715
<00:22:31.455>but <00:22:31.617>don't <00:22:31.779>think <00:22:31.941>of <00:22:32.102>it <00:22:32.264>as <00:22:32.427>the <00:22:32.589>weekend.

503
00:22:32.715 --> 00:22:36.715
<00:22:32.715>Think <00:22:32.915>of <00:22:33.115>it <00:22:33.314>as <00:22:33.514>your <00:22:33.715>weekly <00:22:33.915>lifespan <00:22:34.115>allowance

504
00:22:36.855 --> 00:22:38.115
<00:22:36.855>to <00:22:37.233>spend <00:22:37.611>on <00:22:37.989>you

505
00:22:38.335 --> 00:22:40.955
<00:22:38.335>and <00:22:38.510>the <00:22:38.685>things <00:22:38.860>that <00:22:39.035>you <00:22:39.210>dedicate <00:22:39.385>your <00:22:39.560>life <00:22:39.735>to.

506
00:22:41.855 --> 00:22:45.715
<00:22:41.855>Um, <00:22:42.135>consolidate <00:22:42.415>span <00:22:42.695>withdrawals <00:22:42.975>for <00:22:43.255>advice

507
00:22:45.715 --> 00:22:46.915
<00:22:45.715>and <00:22:46.074>opinions, <00:22:46.435>for <00:22:46.795>instance,

508
00:22:47.015 --> 00:22:48.955
<00:22:47.015>by <00:22:47.215>setting <00:22:47.415>up <00:22:47.615>working <00:22:47.815>groups <00:22:48.015>and <00:22:48.215>working <00:22:48.415>hours.

509
00:22:49.025 --> 00:22:53.635
<00:22:49.025>Make <00:22:49.180>that <00:22:49.336>span. <00:22:49.491>Go <00:22:49.647>extra <00:22:49.802>for <00:22:49.958>and <00:22:50.113>create <00:22:50.269>a <00:22:50.425>span.

510
00:22:53.635 --> 00:22:56.515
<00:22:53.635>Charity <00:22:53.915>fund. <00:22:54.195>Uh, <00:22:54.475>oh, <00:22:54.754>yeah, <00:22:55.035>yeah,

511
00:22:57.955 --> 00:22:59.045
<00:22:57.955>yeah, <00:22:58.936>yeah.

512
00:22:59.185 --> 00:23:00.445
<00:22:59.185>I'm <00:22:59.468>sorry. <00:22:59.752>That's <00:23:00.035>just <00:23:00.319>basically

513
00:23:00.445 --> 00:23:01.485
<00:23:00.445>another <00:23:00.678>version <00:23:00.913>of <00:23:01.147>that <00:23:01.380>one.

514
00:23:02.085 --> 00:23:05.805
<00:23:02.085>I <00:23:02.285>forgot <00:23:02.485>about <00:23:02.685>that <00:23:02.885>bullet. <00:23:03.085>All <00:23:03.285>right, <00:23:03.485>oversharing,

515
00:23:06.225 --> 00:23:08.365
<00:23:06.225>people <00:23:06.380>are <00:23:06.536>British, <00:23:06.691>so <00:23:06.847>you <00:23:07.002>don't <00:23:07.158>have <00:23:07.313>problems <00:23:07.469>with <00:23:07.625>this,

516
00:23:08.905 --> 00:23:11.005
<00:23:08.905>but <00:23:09.080>this <00:23:09.254>is <00:23:09.430>for <00:23:09.605>the <00:23:09.780>Americans <00:23:09.955>in <00:23:10.129>the <00:23:10.305>audience.

517
00:23:11.165 --> 00:23:13.245
<00:23:11.165>I <00:23:11.305>know <00:23:11.445>there <00:23:11.585>are <00:23:11.725>a <00:23:11.865>couple, <00:23:12.004>I'm <00:23:12.145>looking <00:23:12.284>at <00:23:12.425>you, <00:23:12.565>Daphne.

518
00:23:13.625 --> 00:23:17.325
<00:23:13.625>Um, <00:23:13.825>I <00:23:14.025>got <00:23:14.225>some <00:23:14.425>Americans <00:23:14.625>in <00:23:14.825>the <00:23:15.025>audience.

519
00:23:18.645 --> 00:23:21.125
<00:23:18.645>Employers <00:23:18.800>love <00:23:18.956>to <00:23:19.111>encourage <00:23:19.267>us <00:23:19.422>to <00:23:19.578>bring <00:23:19.733>our <00:23:19.889>whole <00:23:20.045>selves

520
00:23:21.185 --> 00:23:25.965
<00:23:21.185>to <00:23:21.340>work, <00:23:21.496>but <00:23:21.651>unfortunately, <00:23:21.807>oversharing <00:23:21.962>is <00:23:22.118>now <00:23:22.273>a, <00:23:22.429>a <00:23:22.585>part

521
00:23:25.985 --> 00:23:27.085
<00:23:25.985>of <00:23:26.480>modern <00:23:26.975>culture.

522
00:23:27.785 --> 00:23:30.885
<00:23:27.785>Um, <00:23:27.940>I'm <00:23:28.096>an <00:23:28.251>oversharer. <00:23:28.407>I <00:23:28.562>was <00:23:28.718>raised <00:23:28.873>on <00:23:29.029>the <00:23:29.185>internet.

523
00:23:30.905 --> 00:23:34.325
<00:23:30.905>My <00:23:31.105>comics <00:23:31.305>were <00:23:31.504>popular <00:23:31.705>because <00:23:31.905>precisely <00:23:32.105>I <00:23:32.305>overshared

524
00:23:34.485 --> 00:23:35.805
<00:23:34.485>and <00:23:34.683>I <00:23:34.880>told <00:23:35.079>it <00:23:35.277>like <00:23:35.475>it <00:23:35.673>is.

525
00:23:36.345 --> 00:23:39.125
<00:23:36.345>And <00:23:36.472>that <00:23:36.599>led <00:23:36.726>me <00:23:36.854>to <00:23:36.981>this <00:23:37.108>wonderful <00:23:37.235>life <00:23:37.363>that <00:23:37.490>I <00:23:37.617>lead <00:23:37.745>now.

526
00:23:39.545 --> 00:23:40.765
<00:23:39.545>But <00:23:39.764>I <00:23:39.984>learned <00:23:40.203>the <00:23:40.423>hard <00:23:40.643>way.

527
00:23:41.145 --> 00:23:44.165
<00:23:41.145>Uh, <00:23:41.320>that <00:23:41.495>open <00:23:41.670>read <00:23:41.845>access <00:23:42.020>to <00:23:42.195>your <00:23:42.370>internal <00:23:42.545>state

528
00:23:44.785 --> 00:23:46.125
<00:23:44.785>is <00:23:45.187>kind <00:23:45.589>of <00:23:45.991>dangerous.

529
00:23:47.225 --> 00:23:50.245
<00:23:47.225>Um, <00:23:47.365>I <00:23:47.504>went <00:23:47.645>through <00:23:47.784>a <00:23:47.925>couple <00:23:48.064>of <00:23:48.205>losses <00:23:48.344>in <00:23:48.485>a <00:23:48.625>row

530
00:23:50.585 --> 00:23:52.085
<00:23:50.585>and <00:23:50.810>the <00:23:51.035>company <00:23:51.260>felt <00:23:51.485>like <00:23:51.710>a <00:23:51.935>family.

531
00:23:52.465 --> 00:23:55.285
<00:23:52.465>So <00:23:52.605>I <00:23:52.745>was <00:23:52.885>very <00:23:53.024>honest <00:23:53.165>about <00:23:53.304>what <00:23:53.445>I <00:23:53.584>was <00:23:53.725>going <00:23:53.865>through.

532
00:23:55.305 --> 00:23:56.645
<00:23:55.305>You <00:23:55.606>know, <00:23:55.908>I'd <00:23:56.209>lost, <00:23:56.511>uh,

533
00:23:56.875 --> 00:23:58.525
<00:23:56.875>both <00:23:57.155>parents <00:23:57.435>going <00:23:57.715>through <00:23:57.995>a <00:23:58.275>divorce.

534
00:23:58.995 --> 00:24:00.045
<00:23:58.995>Lots <00:23:59.231>of <00:23:59.467>stuff <00:23:59.703>was <00:23:59.940>happening

535
00:24:00.185 --> 00:24:03.205
<00:24:00.185>and <00:24:00.340>I <00:24:00.496>was <00:24:00.651>very <00:24:00.807>clear <00:24:00.962>with <00:24:01.118>leadership <00:24:01.273>and <00:24:01.429>my <00:24:01.585>coworkers.

536
00:24:03.545 --> 00:24:06.445
<00:24:03.545>But <00:24:03.685>then <00:24:03.825>a <00:24:03.965>few <00:24:04.105>years <00:24:04.245>later, <00:24:04.385>uh, <00:24:04.525>one <00:24:04.665>of <00:24:04.805>the <00:24:04.945>things

537
00:24:06.445 --> 00:24:08.285
<00:24:06.445>that <00:24:06.645>I <00:24:06.845>shared <00:24:07.044>showed <00:24:07.245>up <00:24:07.445>on <00:24:07.645>a <00:24:07.845>review

538
00:24:08.505 --> 00:24:10.365
<00:24:08.505>and <00:24:08.660>I <00:24:08.816>was <00:24:08.971>like, <00:24:09.127>dude, <00:24:09.282>that <00:24:09.438>was <00:24:09.593>two <00:24:09.749>years <00:24:09.905>ago.

539
00:24:10.365 --> 00:24:14.165
<00:24:10.365>What <00:24:10.492>do <00:24:10.619>you <00:24:10.746>mean <00:24:10.874>when <00:24:11.001>you <00:24:11.128>share <00:24:11.255>the <00:24:11.383>things <00:24:11.510>that <00:24:11.637>you <00:24:11.765>share,

540
00:24:14.395 --> 00:24:15.765
<00:24:14.395>stay <00:24:14.806>in <00:24:15.217>people's <00:24:15.628>minds.

541
00:24:16.465 --> 00:24:18.445
<00:24:16.465>Um, <00:24:16.931>you <00:24:17.398>can't <00:24:17.865>know

542
00:24:18.445 --> 00:24:20.845
<00:24:18.445>how <00:24:18.585>other <00:24:18.725>people <00:24:18.865>are <00:24:19.004>gonna <00:24:19.145>judge <00:24:19.284>you <00:24:19.425>by <00:24:19.564>what <00:24:19.705>you've <00:24:19.845>shared.

543
00:24:21.345 --> 00:24:24.205
<00:24:21.345>So <00:24:21.578>before <00:24:21.811>you <00:24:22.045>introduce <00:24:22.278>any <00:24:22.511>potential <00:24:22.745>vulnerabilities

544
00:24:24.385 --> 00:24:28.085
<00:24:24.385>to <00:24:24.851>your <00:24:25.318>workplace, <00:24:25.785>uh,

545
00:24:28.985 --> 00:24:31.685
<00:24:28.985>you <00:24:29.185>obviously <00:24:29.385>need <00:24:29.584>to <00:24:29.784>file <00:24:29.985>an <00:24:30.185>AppSec <00:24:30.385>report.

546
00:24:31.995 --> 00:24:33.925
<00:24:31.995>Does <00:24:32.195>anyone <00:24:32.395>know <00:24:32.594>what <00:24:32.794>an <00:24:32.995>AppSec <00:24:33.195>report <00:24:33.395>is?

547
00:24:35.875 --> 00:24:38.045
<00:24:35.875>Application <00:24:36.341>Security <00:24:36.808>Report. <00:24:37.275>What?

548
00:24:38.045 --> 00:24:41.125
<00:24:38.045>You <00:24:38.245>wanna <00:24:38.445>integrate <00:24:38.645>Slack <00:24:38.845>with <00:24:39.045>GitHub <00:24:39.245>AppSec <00:24:39.445>report.

549
00:24:41.205 --> 00:24:42.965
<00:24:41.205>It's <00:24:41.360>gonna <00:24:41.516>take <00:24:41.671>two <00:24:41.827>weeks <00:24:41.982>to <00:24:42.138>get <00:24:42.293>back <00:24:42.449>to <00:24:42.605>you.

550
00:24:43.635 --> 00:24:45.245
<00:24:43.635>True <00:24:43.868>story, <00:24:44.101>big <00:24:44.335>tech. <00:24:44.568>So <00:24:44.801>much <00:24:45.035>fun.

551
00:24:45.765 --> 00:24:46.925
<00:24:45.765>I <00:24:46.026>love <00:24:46.287>working <00:24:46.548>at <00:24:46.809>startups.

552
00:24:47.225 --> 00:24:48.685
<00:24:47.225>So <00:24:48.539>first,

553
00:24:48.705 --> 00:24:51.485
<00:24:48.705>before <00:24:48.879>you <00:24:49.054>grant <00:24:49.230>people <00:24:49.405>internal <00:24:49.580>state <00:24:49.754>access, <00:24:49.929>ask <00:24:50.105>yourself,

554
00:24:52.345 --> 00:24:55.045
<00:24:52.345>how <00:24:52.520>is <00:24:52.695>this <00:24:52.870>gonna <00:24:53.045>help <00:24:53.220>the <00:24:53.395>other <00:24:53.570>party, <00:24:53.745>uh,

555
00:24:55.065 --> 00:24:56.445
<00:24:55.065>to <00:24:55.375>know <00:24:55.686>this <00:24:55.996>about <00:24:56.307>me?

556
00:24:56.905 --> 00:24:58.085
<00:24:56.905>Is <00:24:57.056>this, <00:24:57.208>do <00:24:57.360>they <00:24:57.511>need <00:24:57.663>to <00:24:57.815>know <00:24:57.967>it?

557
00:24:58.085 --> 00:25:00.885
<00:24:58.085>Is <00:24:58.201>it <00:24:58.318>gonna <00:24:58.435>help <00:24:58.551>them <00:24:58.668>work <00:24:58.785>with <00:24:58.901>me <00:24:59.018>better <00:24:59.135>to <00:24:59.251>know <00:24:59.368>this <00:24:59.485>thing

558
00:25:00.885 --> 00:25:03.245
<00:25:00.885>or <00:25:01.040>help <00:25:01.196>them <00:25:01.351>come <00:25:01.507>and <00:25:01.662>hang <00:25:01.818>out <00:25:01.973>with <00:25:02.129>me <00:25:02.285>better?

559
00:25:03.305 --> 00:25:06.765
<00:25:03.305>Do <00:25:03.412>they <00:25:03.520>need <00:25:03.628>to <00:25:03.735>know <00:25:03.843>it <00:25:03.951>or <00:25:04.058>two, <00:25:04.166>uh, <00:25:04.274>if <00:25:04.381>it's <00:25:04.489>gonna <00:25:04.597>help <00:25:04.705>them

560
00:25:06.865 --> 00:25:10.325
<00:25:06.865>before <00:25:07.040>you <00:25:07.215>share, <00:25:07.390>ask, <00:25:07.565>may <00:25:07.740>I <00:25:07.915>share <00:25:08.090>something <00:25:08.265>personal

561
00:25:10.325 --> 00:25:11.365
<00:25:10.325>with <00:25:10.559>you <00:25:10.793>on <00:25:11.027>this <00:25:11.261>matter?

562
00:25:11.755 --> 00:25:12.885
<00:25:11.755>Like <00:25:12.094>an <00:25:12.433>API <00:25:12.772>call.

563
00:25:12.885 --> 00:25:14.805
<00:25:12.885>You're <00:25:13.085>saying <00:25:13.285>you're <00:25:13.485>gonna <00:25:13.685>send <00:25:13.885>some <00:25:14.085>sensitive <00:25:14.285>information.

564
00:25:14.985 --> 00:25:16.485
<00:25:14.985>Can <00:25:15.153>you <00:25:15.322>like <00:25:15.491>set <00:25:15.659>up <00:25:15.828>a <00:25:15.997>tunnel <00:25:16.166>or <00:25:16.334>something?

565
00:25:16.725 --> 00:25:18.325
<00:25:16.725>I <00:25:16.958>don't <00:25:17.191>want <00:25:17.425>this <00:25:17.658>to <00:25:17.891>be <00:25:18.125>intercepted.

566
00:25:18.905 --> 00:25:21.285
<00:25:18.905>Um, <00:25:19.080>and <00:25:19.254>then <00:25:19.430>if <00:25:19.605>they <00:25:19.780>accept <00:25:19.955>that, <00:25:20.129>that <00:25:20.305>call,

567
00:25:21.315 --> 00:25:24.485
<00:25:21.315>then <00:25:21.490>express <00:25:21.665>whether <00:25:21.840>or <00:25:22.015>not <00:25:22.190>the <00:25:22.365>information <00:25:22.540>is <00:25:22.715>confidential.

568
00:25:24.505 --> 00:25:27.445
<00:25:24.505>You <00:25:24.645>know, <00:25:24.785>please <00:25:24.925>do <00:25:25.065>not <00:25:25.205>share. <00:25:25.345>This <00:25:25.485>is <00:25:25.625>for <00:25:25.765>you <00:25:25.905>only.

569
00:25:28.065 --> 00:25:29.845
<00:25:28.065>Uh, <00:25:28.345>be <00:25:28.625>very <00:25:28.905>clear <00:25:29.185>about <00:25:29.465>that.

570
00:25:30.025 --> 00:25:32.365
<00:25:30.025>And <00:25:30.200>then <00:25:30.375>lastly, <00:25:30.550>once <00:25:30.725>you <00:25:30.900>have <00:25:31.075>traded <00:25:31.250>this <00:25:31.425>information,

571
00:25:32.415 --> 00:25:34.165
<00:25:32.415>thank <00:25:32.764>them <00:25:33.115>for <00:25:33.465>their <00:25:33.815>confidence.

572
00:25:36.365 --> 00:25:37.525
<00:25:36.365>I <00:25:36.626>have <00:25:36.887>scripts. <00:25:37.148>They <00:25:37.409>help

573
00:25:40.365 --> 00:25:41.985
<00:25:40.365>now, <00:25:40.715>oh, <00:25:41.065>come <00:25:41.415>back <00:25:41.765>here.

574
00:25:41.985 --> 00:25:46.365
<00:25:41.985>Where'd <00:25:42.159>you <00:25:42.334>go? <00:25:42.510>No <00:25:42.685>wrong <00:25:42.860>direction. <00:25:43.034>There <00:25:43.209>we <00:25:43.385>go.

575
00:25:47.105 --> 00:25:49.765
<00:25:47.105>Here's <00:25:47.338>a <00:25:47.571>good <00:25:47.805>one. <00:25:48.038>Managing <00:25:48.271>our <00:25:48.505>emotions.

576
00:25:50.545 --> 00:25:53.245
<00:25:50.545>Uh, <00:25:50.720>if <00:25:50.895>you're <00:25:51.070>struggling <00:25:51.245>to <00:25:51.420>keep <00:25:51.595>your <00:25:51.770>emotions <00:25:51.945>inside,

577
00:25:54.515 --> 00:25:56.045
<00:25:54.515>it's <00:25:54.790>not <00:25:55.065>necessarily <00:25:55.341>a <00:25:55.616>bad <00:25:55.892>thing.

578
00:25:56.045 --> 00:25:57.685
<00:25:56.045>It's <00:25:56.325>a <00:25:56.605>sign <00:25:56.885>of <00:25:57.165>empathy, <00:25:57.445>uh,

579
00:25:57.745 --> 00:25:59.365
<00:25:57.745>and <00:25:58.094>connection <00:25:58.445>to <00:25:58.794>internal <00:25:59.145>state.

580
00:25:59.705 --> 00:26:02.325
<00:25:59.705>But <00:25:59.905>what <00:26:00.105>happens <00:26:00.304>when <00:26:00.504>those <00:26:00.705>feelings <00:26:00.905>overwhelm <00:26:01.105>you?

581
00:26:03.865 --> 00:26:05.995
<00:26:03.865>Well, <00:26:04.331>under <00:26:04.798>normal <00:26:05.265>circumstances,

582
00:26:06.935 --> 00:26:08.755
<00:26:06.935>we <00:26:07.284>can <00:26:07.635>regulate <00:26:07.985>our <00:26:08.335>emotions.

583
00:26:09.055 --> 00:26:13.745
<00:26:09.055>Uh, <00:26:09.288>like, <00:26:09.521>let's <00:26:09.755>see, <00:26:09.988>challenging <00:26:10.221>situa <00:26:10.455>situations

584
00:26:14.305 --> 00:26:15.425
<00:26:14.305>feel <00:26:15.312>manageable.

585
00:26:15.865 --> 00:26:17.345
<00:26:15.865>Negative <00:26:16.309>emotions <00:26:16.753>pass <00:26:17.197>quickly.

586
00:26:18.085 --> 00:26:20.105
<00:26:18.085>Uh, <00:26:18.365>and <00:26:18.645>you <00:26:18.925>can <00:26:19.205>be <00:26:19.485>comforted.

587
00:26:20.965 --> 00:26:24.465
<00:26:20.965>But <00:26:21.245>thisd <00:26:21.524>states <00:26:21.804>challenging <00:26:22.084>situations <00:26:22.365>feel

588
00:26:24.465 --> 00:26:25.585
<00:26:24.465>overwhelming <00:26:24.969>or <00:26:25.473>hopeless.

589
00:26:25.695 --> 00:26:29.225
<00:26:25.695>Getting <00:26:25.835>stuck <00:26:25.975>in <00:26:26.115>mad, <00:26:26.254>sad, <00:26:26.395>bad, <00:26:26.534>or <00:26:26.675>hyper <00:26:26.814>feelings <00:26:26.955>is <00:26:27.095>common.

590
00:26:29.445 --> 00:26:32.505
<00:26:29.445>And <00:26:29.572>you <00:26:29.699>get <00:26:29.826>in <00:26:29.954>the <00:26:30.081>state <00:26:30.208>that <00:26:30.335>I <00:26:30.463>like <00:26:30.590>to <00:26:30.717>call <00:26:30.845>inconsolable.

591
00:26:34.285 --> 00:26:36.825
<00:26:34.285>Oh <00:26:34.485>man, <00:26:34.685>I'm <00:26:34.885>at <00:26:35.085>like <00:26:35.285>29 <00:26:35.485>minutes <00:26:35.685>here.

592
00:26:37.005 --> 00:26:39.145
<00:26:37.005>I'm <00:26:37.145>sorry, <00:26:37.285>I've <00:26:37.425>still <00:26:37.565>got <00:26:37.705>a <00:26:37.845>lot <00:26:37.985>of <00:26:38.125>slides <00:26:38.265>to <00:26:38.405>go.

593
00:26:39.365 --> 00:26:42.465
<00:26:39.365>I'm <00:26:39.520>gonna <00:26:39.676>try <00:26:39.831>to <00:26:39.987>hurry <00:26:40.142>it <00:26:40.298>up. <00:26:40.453>Looking <00:26:40.609>at <00:26:40.765>you.

594
00:26:42.465 --> 00:26:44.440
<00:26:42.465>Are <00:26:42.639>you <00:26:42.814>giving <00:26:42.990>giving <00:26:43.165>me <00:26:43.340>the <00:26:43.514>bad <00:26:43.689>eyeballs <00:26:43.865>here?

595
00:26:45.355 --> 00:26:46.365
<00:26:45.355>It's <00:26:45.658>all <00:26:45.961>right. <00:26:46.264>Okay.

596
00:26:47.715 --> 00:26:49.045
<00:26:47.715>Five <00:26:47.914>minutes <00:26:48.114>or <00:26:48.313>so. <00:26:48.513>Is <00:26:48.712>that <00:26:48.912>good?

597
00:26:49.995 --> 00:26:52.125
<00:26:49.995>I'll <00:26:50.344>do <00:26:50.695>my <00:26:51.044>best. <00:26:51.395>Alright,

598
00:26:52.185 --> 00:26:53.845
<00:26:52.185>so <00:26:52.418>perhaps <00:26:52.651>you've <00:26:52.885>heard <00:26:53.118>something <00:26:53.351>like <00:26:53.585>this.

599
00:26:54.065 --> 00:26:55.845
<00:26:54.065>Uh, <00:26:55.465>uh,

600
00:26:55.845 --> 00:26:59.485
<00:26:55.845>or <00:26:56.020>heard <00:26:56.195>someone <00:26:56.370>say, <00:26:56.545>you <00:26:56.720>know, <00:26:56.895>they're <00:26:57.070>so <00:26:57.245>emotional.

601
00:27:00.755 --> 00:27:02.895
<00:27:00.755>She <00:27:01.105>takes <00:27:01.455>things <00:27:01.805>too <00:27:02.155>personally.

602
00:27:02.895 --> 00:27:06.095
<00:27:02.895>There's <00:27:03.070>that <00:27:03.245>expression <00:27:03.420>again. <00:27:03.595>Uh, <00:27:03.770>he <00:27:03.945>threw <00:27:04.120>a <00:27:04.295>tantrum.

603
00:27:07.185 --> 00:27:11.685
<00:27:07.185>Um, <00:27:07.534>well, <00:27:07.885>these <00:27:08.235>aren't <00:27:08.585>necessarily,

604
00:27:12.225 --> 00:27:14.565
<00:27:12.225>uh, <00:27:12.504>these <00:27:12.784>aren't <00:27:13.064>necessarily <00:27:13.344>character <00:27:13.625>flaws.

605
00:27:14.955 --> 00:27:17.285
<00:27:14.955>They <00:27:15.188>have <00:27:15.421>their <00:27:15.655>roots <00:27:15.888>in <00:27:16.121>physiologic <00:27:16.355>physiology.

606
00:27:17.915 --> 00:27:20.885
<00:27:17.915>When <00:27:18.090>people <00:27:18.264>are <00:27:18.440>dysregulated <00:27:18.615>this <00:27:18.790>little <00:27:18.965>sucker, <00:27:19.139>the <00:27:19.315>hypo,

607
00:27:21.105 --> 00:27:23.605
<00:27:21.105>uh, <00:27:21.338>the <00:27:21.571>amygdala <00:27:21.805>kind <00:27:22.038>of <00:27:22.271>kicks <00:27:22.505>in.

608
00:27:23.825 --> 00:27:26.485
<00:27:23.825>And <00:27:24.025>short <00:27:24.225>circuits <00:27:24.425>all <00:27:24.625>reasoning, <00:27:24.825>it <00:27:25.025>takes <00:27:25.225>command.

609
00:27:28.065 --> 00:27:30.205
<00:27:28.065>Uh, <00:27:28.240>we <00:27:28.415>can <00:27:28.590>never <00:27:28.765>know <00:27:28.940>a <00:27:29.115>person's <00:27:29.290>internal <00:27:29.465>state

610
00:27:30.205 --> 00:27:31.485
<00:27:30.205>as <00:27:30.435>we <00:27:30.665>establish <00:27:30.896>at <00:27:31.126>the <00:27:31.357>beginning.

611
00:27:32.665 --> 00:27:34.285
<00:27:32.665>But <00:27:32.898>it's <00:27:33.131>safe <00:27:33.365>to <00:27:33.598>say <00:27:33.831>that <00:27:34.065>dysregulated

612
00:27:34.285 --> 00:27:35.565
<00:27:34.285>person <00:27:34.861>needs <00:27:35.437>compassion.

613
00:27:36.205 --> 00:27:38.165
<00:27:36.205>Everyone <00:27:36.405>gets <00:27:36.605>dysregulated <00:27:36.804>at <00:27:37.004>one <00:27:37.205>point <00:27:37.405>or <00:27:37.605>another.

614
00:27:38.165 --> 00:27:40.165
<00:27:38.165>It <00:27:38.365>will <00:27:38.565>happen <00:27:38.764>to <00:27:38.965>you <00:27:39.165>at <00:27:39.365>some <00:27:39.565>point.

615
00:27:40.165 --> 00:27:42.965
<00:27:40.165>Something <00:27:40.365>will <00:27:40.565>happen <00:27:40.764>and <00:27:40.965>you <00:27:41.165>will <00:27:41.365>be <00:27:41.565>inconsolable

616
00:27:43.105 --> 00:27:44.845
<00:27:43.105>or <00:27:43.455>you <00:27:43.805>will <00:27:44.155>act <00:27:44.505>irrationally.

617
00:27:45.785 --> 00:27:48.685
<00:27:45.785>Uh, <00:27:45.960>and <00:27:46.135>what <00:27:46.310>you <00:27:46.485>really <00:27:46.660>need <00:27:46.835>is <00:27:47.010>a <00:27:47.185>timeout.

618
00:27:48.945 --> 00:27:51.165
<00:27:48.945>Not <00:27:49.145>other <00:27:49.345>people <00:27:49.544>making <00:27:49.745>character <00:27:49.945>judgements <00:27:50.145>about <00:27:50.345>you.

619
00:27:52.665 --> 00:27:54.405
<00:27:52.665>Now <00:27:52.865>it's <00:27:53.065>no <00:27:53.264>one's <00:27:53.465>job <00:27:53.665>to <00:27:53.865>comfort <00:27:54.065>you

620
00:27:54.405 --> 00:27:55.525
<00:27:54.405>or <00:27:54.657>make <00:27:54.909>you <00:27:55.161>feel <00:27:55.413>better.

621
00:27:56.105 --> 00:27:58.005
<00:27:56.105>Uh, <00:27:56.305>when <00:27:56.505>you <00:27:56.705>are <00:27:56.905>in <00:27:57.105>a <00:27:57.305>dysregulated <00:27:57.505>state,

622
00:27:58.025 --> 00:27:59.245
<00:27:58.025>you're <00:27:58.391>responsible <00:27:58.757>for <00:27:59.122>that.

623
00:27:59.245 --> 00:28:01.885
<00:27:59.245>Even <00:27:59.372>though <00:27:59.499>this <00:27:59.626>is <00:27:59.754>the <00:27:59.881>worst <00:28:00.008>time <00:28:00.135>for <00:28:00.263>you <00:28:00.390>to <00:28:00.517>be <00:28:00.645>responsible

624
00:28:01.885 --> 00:28:05.285
<00:28:01.885>for <00:28:02.025>something, <00:28:02.165>uh, <00:28:02.305>even <00:28:02.445>if <00:28:02.585>you <00:28:02.725>can't, <00:28:02.865>uh, <00:28:03.004>even <00:28:03.145>you <00:28:03.285>at

625
00:28:05.285 --> 00:28:06.685
<00:28:05.285>that <00:28:05.495>point <00:28:05.705>can't <00:28:05.915>make <00:28:06.125>yourself <00:28:06.335>feel <00:28:06.545>better.

626
00:28:06.745 --> 00:28:10.165
<00:28:06.745>So <00:28:06.900>how <00:28:07.056>can <00:28:07.211>anyone <00:28:07.367>else <00:28:07.522>just <00:28:07.678>remember <00:28:07.833>your <00:28:07.989>feelings <00:28:08.145>are

627
00:28:10.165 --> 00:28:11.245
<00:28:10.165>your <00:28:10.408>own <00:28:10.650>no <00:28:10.894>one <00:28:11.137>else's.

628
00:28:11.585 --> 00:28:12.805
<00:28:11.585>So <00:28:11.804>here's <00:28:12.024>how <00:28:12.243>you <00:28:12.463>own <00:28:12.683>them.

629
00:28:12.865 --> 00:28:14.605
<00:28:12.865>Number <00:28:13.215>one, <00:28:13.565>learn <00:28:13.915>to <00:28:14.265>listen

630
00:28:14.605 --> 00:28:16.445
<00:28:14.605>for <00:28:14.838>changes <00:28:15.071>in <00:28:15.305>your <00:28:15.538>mood <00:28:15.771>and <00:28:16.005>emotions.

631
00:28:16.875 --> 00:28:18.845
<00:28:16.875>Good <00:28:17.108>way <00:28:17.341>to <00:28:17.575>start <00:28:17.808>this <00:28:18.041>practice. <00:28:18.275>Mindfulness.

632
00:28:19.025 --> 00:28:20.645
<00:28:19.025>You <00:28:19.200>hear <00:28:19.375>it <00:28:19.550>a <00:28:19.725>lot. <00:28:19.900>It's <00:28:20.075>a <00:28:20.250>good <00:28:20.425>practice.

633
00:28:20.665 --> 00:28:22.485
<00:28:20.665>Go <00:28:20.898>do <00:28:21.131>it <00:28:21.365>10 <00:28:21.598>minutes <00:28:21.831>a <00:28:22.065>day.

634
00:28:22.625 --> 00:28:24.525
<00:28:22.625>Ask <00:28:22.800>yourself <00:28:22.975>what <00:28:23.150>you're <00:28:23.325>feeling <00:28:23.500>while <00:28:23.675>you're <00:28:23.850>doing <00:28:24.025>it.

635
00:28:25.185 --> 00:28:26.885
<00:28:25.185>Uh, <00:28:25.418>learn <00:28:25.651>to <00:28:25.885>identify <00:28:26.118>what <00:28:26.351>you're <00:28:26.585>feeling,

636
00:28:26.995 --> 00:28:28.245
<00:28:26.995>calling <00:28:27.276>them <00:28:27.557>by <00:28:27.838>their <00:28:28.120>name.

637
00:28:28.465 --> 00:28:30.805
<00:28:28.465>You <00:28:28.605>know, <00:28:28.745>can <00:28:28.885>you <00:28:29.024>get <00:28:29.165>more <00:28:29.304>granular <00:28:29.445>than <00:28:29.584>I <00:28:29.725>feel <00:28:29.865>bad?

638
00:28:31.025 --> 00:28:32.725
<00:28:31.025>Can <00:28:31.258>you <00:28:31.491>be <00:28:31.725>like, <00:28:31.958>I <00:28:32.191>feel <00:28:32.425>betrayed

639
00:28:32.875 --> 00:28:36.445
<00:28:32.875>because <00:28:33.030>you, <00:28:33.186>you <00:28:33.341>know, <00:28:33.497>this <00:28:33.652>is <00:28:33.808>a, <00:28:33.963>a <00:28:34.119>soap <00:28:34.275>opera.

640
00:28:36.865 --> 00:28:39.085
<00:28:36.865>Uh, <00:28:37.331>give <00:28:37.798>yourself <00:28:38.265>buffers

641
00:28:39.085 --> 00:28:41.405
<00:28:39.085>around <00:28:39.285>situations <00:28:39.485>you <00:28:39.685>know, <00:28:39.885>are <00:28:40.085>gonna <00:28:40.285>be <00:28:40.485>overwhelming.

642
00:28:41.475 --> 00:28:43.685
<00:28:41.475>Like <00:28:41.824>funerals <00:28:42.175>are <00:28:42.524>difficult <00:28:42.875>meetings.

643
00:28:44.105 --> 00:28:46.685
<00:28:44.105>Uh, <00:28:44.260>give <00:28:44.416>yourself <00:28:44.571>a <00:28:44.727>timeout <00:28:44.882>afterwards <00:28:45.038>so <00:28:45.193>you're <00:28:45.349>not <00:28:45.505>taking

644
00:28:46.835 --> 00:28:49.285
<00:28:46.835>that <00:28:47.115>dysregulation <00:28:47.395>into <00:28:47.675>the <00:28:47.955>next <00:28:48.235>place

645
00:28:49.425 --> 00:28:51.285
<00:28:49.425>and <00:28:49.658>passing <00:28:49.891>it <00:28:50.125>on <00:28:50.358>like <00:28:50.591>a <00:28:50.825>contagion.

646
00:28:51.945 --> 00:28:53.325
<00:28:51.945>Uh, <00:28:52.255>ask <00:28:52.566>a <00:28:52.876>trusted <00:28:53.187>friend.

647
00:28:53.565 --> 00:28:55.485
<00:28:53.565>I <00:28:53.765>love <00:28:53.965>this <00:28:54.165>one <00:28:54.365>to <00:28:54.565>spot <00:28:54.765>for <00:28:54.965>you

648
00:28:55.545 --> 00:28:57.485
<00:28:55.545>and <00:28:55.720>let <00:28:55.895>you <00:28:56.070>know <00:28:56.245>when <00:28:56.420>you're <00:28:56.595>getting <00:28:56.770>worked <00:28:56.945>up

649
00:28:57.505 --> 00:28:58.885
<00:28:57.505>or <00:28:57.753>you're <00:28:58.001>entering <00:28:58.250>into <00:28:58.498>that <00:28:58.747>zone.

650
00:29:00.735 --> 00:29:03.205
<00:29:00.735>Sadly, <00:29:00.935>when <00:29:01.135>we're <00:29:01.334>dysregulated, <00:29:01.534>it's <00:29:01.735>the <00:29:01.935>worst <00:29:02.135>time

651
00:29:03.305 --> 00:29:05.165
<00:29:03.305>to <00:29:03.655>be <00:29:04.005>responsible <00:29:04.355>for <00:29:04.705>ourselves

652
00:29:05.165 --> 00:29:06.605
<00:29:05.165>or <00:29:05.424>trying <00:29:05.683>to <00:29:05.942>control <00:29:06.201>a <00:29:06.461>situation.

653
00:29:06.605 --> 00:29:08.765
<00:29:06.605>So <00:29:06.805>I <00:29:07.005>recommend <00:29:07.205>putting <00:29:07.405>together <00:29:07.605>an <00:29:07.805>emergency <00:29:08.005>procedure

654
00:29:09.345 --> 00:29:11.685
<00:29:09.345>to <00:29:09.578>have <00:29:09.811>it <00:29:10.045>available <00:29:10.278>for <00:29:10.511>such <00:29:10.745>situations.

655
00:29:11.755 --> 00:29:14.045
<00:29:11.755>Like <00:29:11.930>if <00:29:12.105>you <00:29:12.280>hear <00:29:12.455>that <00:29:12.630>layoffs <00:29:12.805>are <00:29:12.980>being <00:29:13.155>announced,

656
00:29:14.065 --> 00:29:15.525
<00:29:14.065>you <00:29:14.211>should <00:29:14.357>be <00:29:14.503>able <00:29:14.649>to <00:29:14.795>turn <00:29:14.941>around <00:29:15.087>and <00:29:15.233>be <00:29:15.379>like,

657
00:29:15.525 --> 00:29:16.765
<00:29:15.525>I've <00:29:15.748>got <00:29:15.971>a <00:29:16.194>procedure <00:29:16.417>for <00:29:16.641>this.

658
00:29:17.465 --> 00:29:18.485
<00:29:17.465>Uh, <00:29:17.771>go <00:29:18.077>be <00:29:18.382>alone.

659
00:29:18.545 --> 00:29:20.565
<00:29:18.545>You <00:29:18.745>can <00:29:18.945>minimize <00:29:19.145>your <00:29:19.345>negative <00:29:19.545>impact <00:29:19.745>on <00:29:19.945>others

660
00:29:20.585 --> 00:29:22.885
<00:29:20.585>by <00:29:20.818>isolating <00:29:21.051>physically <00:29:21.285>as <00:29:21.518>well <00:29:21.751>as <00:29:21.985>electronically.

661
00:29:23.505 --> 00:29:26.885
<00:29:23.505>No <00:29:23.680>Twitter <00:29:23.855>for <00:29:24.030>you. <00:29:24.205>Uh, <00:29:24.380>get <00:29:24.555>pardon <00:29:24.730>x <00:29:24.905>uh,

662
00:29:26.985 --> 00:29:30.205
<00:29:26.985>get <00:29:27.185>active <00:29:27.385>burning <00:29:27.584>off <00:29:27.784>scene <00:29:27.985>with <00:29:28.185>activity <00:29:28.385>processes,

663
00:29:30.205 --> 00:29:31.525
<00:29:30.205>adrenaline <00:29:30.799>and <00:29:31.393>cortisol,

664
00:29:31.525 --> 00:29:33.605
<00:29:31.525>and <00:29:31.700>helps <00:29:31.875>bring <00:29:32.050>you <00:29:32.225>back <00:29:32.400>to <00:29:32.575>that <00:29:32.750>regulated <00:29:32.925>state.

665
00:29:34.535 --> 00:29:35.925
<00:29:34.535>Check <00:29:34.952>in <00:29:35.369>with <00:29:35.786>reality.

666
00:29:36.275 --> 00:29:37.965
<00:29:36.275>Keep <00:29:36.555>a <00:29:36.835>file <00:29:37.115>of <00:29:37.395>objective <00:29:37.675>truths

667
00:29:38.105 --> 00:29:39.525
<00:29:38.105>to <00:29:38.360>pick <00:29:38.616>through <00:29:38.871>pictures <00:29:39.127>of <00:29:39.383>cats.

668
00:29:39.715 --> 00:29:41.640
<00:29:39.715>Nice <00:29:39.948>things <00:29:40.181>people <00:29:40.415>have <00:29:40.648>said <00:29:40.881>about <00:29:41.115>you.

669
00:29:41.865 --> 00:29:44.565
<00:29:41.865>People <00:29:42.065>you <00:29:42.265>care <00:29:42.465>about <00:29:42.665>who <00:29:42.865>return <00:29:43.065>your <00:29:43.265>feelings.

670
00:29:44.635 --> 00:29:48.845
<00:29:44.635>That <00:29:44.810>sort <00:29:44.985>of <00:29:45.160>thing. <00:29:45.335>Like, <00:29:45.510>like <00:29:45.685>siblings <00:29:45.860>or <00:29:46.035>parents.

671
00:29:48.945 --> 00:29:53.605
<00:29:48.945>If <00:29:49.100>you've <00:29:49.256>got <00:29:49.411>some <00:29:49.567>good <00:29:49.722>ones. <00:29:49.878>Now, <00:29:50.033>minimize <00:29:50.189>the <00:29:50.345>damage.

672
00:29:53.965 --> 00:29:55.205
<00:29:53.965>Identify <00:29:54.188>emotions <00:29:54.411>and <00:29:54.634>address <00:29:54.857>the <00:29:55.081>problem.

673
00:29:55.745 --> 00:29:58.405
<00:29:55.745>Uh, <00:29:55.919>these <00:29:56.094>are <00:29:56.270>similar <00:29:56.445>steps <00:29:56.620>for <00:29:56.794>dealing <00:29:56.969>with <00:29:57.145>others

674
00:29:58.665 --> 00:30:00.205
<00:29:58.665>who <00:29:59.358>are <00:30:00.051>dysregulated.

675
00:30:00.745 --> 00:30:04.885
<00:30:00.745>You <00:30:00.885>want <00:30:01.024>to, <00:30:01.165>uh, <00:30:01.304>minimize <00:30:01.445>the <00:30:01.584>damage <00:30:01.725>you <00:30:01.864>wanna <00:30:02.004>tell <00:30:02.145>them

676
00:30:04.905 --> 00:30:07.245
<00:30:04.905>to <00:30:05.105>take <00:30:05.305>five, <00:30:05.504>take <00:30:05.705>off, <00:30:05.905>reschedule <00:30:06.105>that <00:30:06.305>meeting.

677
00:30:07.865 --> 00:30:11.045
<00:30:07.865>Uh, <00:30:08.020>you <00:30:08.176>want <00:30:08.331>to <00:30:08.487>identify <00:30:08.642>the <00:30:08.798>emotions, <00:30:08.953>label <00:30:09.109>the <00:30:09.265>behavior,

678
00:30:11.265 --> 00:30:12.405
<00:30:11.265>not <00:30:11.470>the <00:30:11.675>person <00:30:11.880>you <00:30:12.085>wanna <00:30:12.291>be.

679
00:30:12.405 --> 00:30:14.685
<00:30:12.405>Like <00:30:12.580>you're, <00:30:12.754>you're <00:30:12.930>acting <00:30:13.105>like <00:30:13.280>you're <00:30:13.455>upset <00:30:13.629>right <00:30:13.805>now.

680
00:30:15.065 --> 00:30:17.245
<00:30:15.065>Not <00:30:15.298>you're <00:30:15.531>being <00:30:15.765>such <00:30:15.998>a <00:30:16.231>jerk <00:30:16.465>man.

681
00:30:19.105 --> 00:30:20.925
<00:30:19.105>Uh, <00:30:19.305>and <00:30:19.505>address <00:30:19.705>the <00:30:19.905>behavior <00:30:20.105>and <00:30:20.305>the <00:30:20.505>trigger.

682
00:30:21.195 --> 00:30:24.845
<00:30:21.195>Only <00:30:21.370>once <00:30:21.544>they're <00:30:21.720>regulated, <00:30:21.895>you <00:30:22.070>know, <00:30:22.245>like, <00:30:22.419>Hey <00:30:22.595>buddy,

683
00:30:25.685 --> 00:30:27.405
<00:30:25.685>I <00:30:25.860>noticed <00:30:26.034>in <00:30:26.210>our <00:30:26.385>last <00:30:26.560>meeting <00:30:26.735>you <00:30:26.909>got <00:30:27.085>upset.

684
00:30:27.405 --> 00:30:29.485
<00:30:27.405>You <00:30:27.545>wanna, <00:30:27.685>you <00:30:27.825>feel <00:30:27.965>like <00:30:28.105>you <00:30:28.245>can <00:30:28.385>talk <00:30:28.524>about <00:30:28.665>that <00:30:28.805>now?

685
00:30:30.925 --> 00:30:32.365
<00:30:30.925>Whatever <00:30:31.184>you <00:30:31.443>do, <00:30:31.702>do <00:30:31.961>not <00:30:32.221>escalate.

686
00:30:32.555 --> 00:30:34.325
<00:30:32.555>Mirroring <00:30:32.905>is <00:30:33.255>a <00:30:33.605>dysregulated <00:30:33.955>person.

687
00:30:34.665 --> 00:30:37.845
<00:30:34.665>Uh, <00:30:34.865>mirroring <00:30:35.065>a <00:30:35.264>dysregulated <00:30:35.465>person's <00:30:35.665>emotions <00:30:35.865>can <00:30:36.065>escalate

688
00:30:37.845 --> 00:30:39.565
<00:30:37.845>the <00:30:38.125>situation <00:30:38.405>'cause <00:30:38.685>they'll <00:30:38.965>mirror <00:30:39.245>you.

689
00:30:39.625 --> 00:30:41.165
<00:30:39.625>So <00:30:39.856>you <00:30:40.087>get <00:30:40.318>upset, <00:30:40.549>they <00:30:40.780>get <00:30:41.011>upset,

690
00:30:41.165 --> 00:30:42.325
<00:30:41.165>you <00:30:41.373>get <00:30:41.582>upset, <00:30:41.791>they <00:30:42.000>get <00:30:42.209>upset.

691
00:30:42.505 --> 00:30:43.805
<00:30:42.505>And <00:30:42.700>this <00:30:42.895>is <00:30:43.090>how <00:30:43.285>you <00:30:43.480>see <00:30:43.675>videos

692
00:30:43.945 --> 00:30:46.325
<00:30:43.945>of <00:30:44.178>Karen's <00:30:44.411>going <00:30:44.645>haywire <00:30:44.878>at, <00:30:45.111>at <00:30:45.345>airports.

693
00:30:46.705 --> 00:30:48.765
<00:30:46.705>Uh, <00:30:46.879>this <00:30:47.054>goes <00:30:47.230>for <00:30:47.405>grief <00:30:47.580>and <00:30:47.754>sadness <00:30:47.929>as <00:30:48.105>well.

694
00:30:48.905 --> 00:30:50.285
<00:30:48.905>Oh, <00:30:49.060>I <00:30:49.215>wanna <00:30:49.370>sit <00:30:49.526>with <00:30:49.681>you <00:30:49.836>in <00:30:49.991>the <00:30:50.147>grief

695
00:30:50.305 --> 00:30:52.605
<00:30:50.305>and <00:30:50.480>you're <00:30:50.655>helping <00:30:50.830>the <00:30:51.005>person <00:30:51.180>feel <00:30:51.355>even <00:30:51.530>more <00:30:51.705>grief.

696
00:30:53.185 --> 00:30:55.045
<00:30:53.185>Um, <00:30:53.465>and <00:30:53.745>it <00:30:54.024>goes <00:30:54.304>for <00:30:54.585>anger.

697
00:30:55.185 --> 00:30:57.205
<00:30:55.185>People <00:30:55.385>getting <00:30:55.585>each <00:30:55.784>other <00:30:55.985>worked <00:30:56.185>up <00:30:56.385>over <00:30:56.585>things.

698
00:30:59.065 --> 00:31:01.605
<00:30:59.065>Now <00:30:59.415>all <00:30:59.765>relationships, <00:31:00.115>romantic, <00:31:00.465>personal

699
00:31:01.625 --> 00:31:03.805
<00:31:01.625>and <00:31:01.858>professional, <00:31:02.091>go <00:31:02.325>through <00:31:02.558>rupture <00:31:02.791>and <00:31:03.025>repair.

700
00:31:04.105 --> 00:31:06.685
<00:31:04.105>If <00:31:04.245>you're <00:31:04.385>a <00:31:04.525>parent, <00:31:04.665>you <00:31:04.805>need <00:31:04.945>to <00:31:05.085>be <00:31:05.225>good <00:31:05.365>at <00:31:05.505>repair.

701
00:31:06.945 --> 00:31:09.765
<00:31:06.945>If <00:31:07.085>you're <00:31:07.225>a <00:31:07.365>manager, <00:31:07.504>you <00:31:07.645>need <00:31:07.784>to <00:31:07.925>be <00:31:08.064>good <00:31:08.205>at <00:31:08.345>repair.

702
00:31:10.225 --> 00:31:13.005
<00:31:10.225>If <00:31:10.380>two <00:31:10.536>people <00:31:10.691>in <00:31:10.847>a <00:31:11.002>relationship <00:31:11.158>cannot <00:31:11.313>repair <00:31:11.469>a <00:31:11.625>rupture,

703
00:31:13.005 --> 00:31:16.845
<00:31:13.005>the <00:31:13.180>relationship <00:31:13.355>will <00:31:13.530>end <00:31:13.705>or <00:31:13.880>go <00:31:14.055>very, <00:31:14.230>very <00:31:14.405>wrong.

704
00:31:17.705 --> 00:31:19.805
<00:31:17.705>So <00:31:17.985>have <00:31:18.264>you <00:31:18.544>ever <00:31:18.824>gone <00:31:19.105>silent

705
00:31:19.935 --> 00:31:23.365
<00:31:19.935>after <00:31:20.284>a <00:31:20.635>disagreement, <00:31:20.985>never <00:31:21.335>apologized

706
00:31:23.425 --> 00:31:25.525
<00:31:23.425>for <00:31:23.705>something <00:31:23.985>you <00:31:24.264>feel <00:31:24.544>bad <00:31:24.825>about?

707
00:31:26.755 --> 00:31:28.365
<00:31:26.755>Avoided <00:31:27.035>having <00:31:27.315>to <00:31:27.595>make <00:31:27.875>a <00:31:28.155>decision

708
00:31:28.365 --> 00:31:30.205
<00:31:28.365>between <00:31:28.831>two <00:31:29.298>disagreeing <00:31:29.765>parties

709
00:31:31.805 --> 00:31:33.585
<00:31:31.805>or <00:31:32.271>overlooked <00:31:32.738>aggressive <00:31:33.205>behavior

710
00:31:33.585 --> 00:31:35.585
<00:31:33.585>between <00:31:34.051>two <00:31:34.518>reports <00:31:34.985>indefinitely.

711
00:31:36.085 --> 00:31:37.305
<00:31:36.085>Go <00:31:36.268>ahead <00:31:36.451>and <00:31:36.634>put <00:31:36.817>your <00:31:37.000>hands <00:31:37.183>up.

712
00:31:37.325 --> 00:31:40.025
<00:31:37.325>If <00:31:37.480>this <00:31:37.636>is <00:31:37.791>you <00:31:37.947>at <00:31:38.102>any <00:31:38.258>point <00:31:38.413>in <00:31:38.569>your <00:31:38.725>life,

713
00:31:40.625 --> 00:31:42.345
<00:31:40.625>I <00:31:40.858>see <00:31:41.091>you <00:31:41.325>very <00:31:41.558>shyly <00:31:41.791>putting, <00:31:42.025>okay?

714
00:31:42.345 --> 00:31:44.145
<00:31:42.345>Yeah, <00:31:42.578>yeah. <00:31:42.811>We're <00:31:43.045>not <00:31:43.278>perfect. <00:31:43.511>It's <00:31:43.745>okay.

715
00:31:44.145 --> 00:31:47.025
<00:31:44.145>This <00:31:44.378>is <00:31:44.611>a <00:31:44.845>safe <00:31:45.078>space. <00:31:45.311>Well, <00:31:45.545>congratulations.

716
00:31:47.285 --> 00:31:48.425
<00:31:47.285>You <00:31:47.627>suck <00:31:47.969>at <00:31:48.311>repair.

717
00:31:49.445 --> 00:31:53.105
<00:31:49.445>Uh, <00:31:49.620>when <00:31:49.794>we <00:31:49.970>fight, <00:31:50.145>we <00:31:50.320>disagree. <00:31:50.495>We <00:31:50.669>butt <00:31:50.845>heads.

718
00:31:53.485 --> 00:31:56.385
<00:31:53.485>Uh, <00:31:53.659>when <00:31:53.834>trust <00:31:54.010>is <00:31:54.185>damaged, <00:31:54.360>this <00:31:54.534>is <00:31:54.709>a <00:31:54.885>rupture.

719
00:31:57.005 --> 00:32:00.625
<00:31:57.005>And <00:31:57.180>if <00:31:57.355>never <00:31:57.530>repaired, <00:31:57.705>it <00:31:57.880>will <00:31:58.055>fester <00:31:58.230>and <00:31:58.405>explode

720
00:32:00.645 --> 00:32:02.985
<00:32:00.645>and <00:32:00.845>lead <00:32:01.045>to <00:32:01.245>more <00:32:01.445>ruptures <00:32:01.645>like <00:32:01.845>a <00:32:02.045>lesion.

721
00:32:04.805 --> 00:32:09.345
<00:32:04.805>To <00:32:04.945>repair <00:32:05.085>a <00:32:05.225>rupture, <00:32:05.365>you <00:32:05.505>must <00:32:05.645>just <00:32:05.785>like <00:32:05.925>healing <00:32:06.065>a <00:32:06.205>wound,

722
00:32:09.525 --> 00:32:11.705
<00:32:09.525>you <00:32:09.758>must <00:32:09.991>expose <00:32:10.225>and <00:32:10.458>address <00:32:10.691>its <00:32:10.925>source.

723
00:32:11.805 --> 00:32:14.065
<00:32:11.805>You <00:32:11.980>need <00:32:12.155>to <00:32:12.330>remove <00:32:12.505>the <00:32:12.680>infection <00:32:12.855>or <00:32:13.030>the <00:32:13.205>bullet.

724
00:32:14.565 --> 00:32:16.465
<00:32:14.565>Uh, <00:32:14.765>this <00:32:14.965>takes <00:32:15.165>a <00:32:15.365>number <00:32:15.565>of <00:32:15.765>tools <00:32:15.965>from

725
00:32:16.465 --> 00:32:17.865
<00:32:16.465>that <00:32:16.780>toolbox <00:32:17.095>we <00:32:17.410>just <00:32:17.725>discussed.

726
00:32:19.115 --> 00:32:21.705
<00:32:19.115>First, <00:32:19.315>to <00:32:19.515>excavate <00:32:19.715>the <00:32:19.915>source <00:32:20.115>of <00:32:20.315>the <00:32:20.515>rupture.

727
00:32:22.085 --> 00:32:24.265
<00:32:22.085>Uh, <00:32:22.285>you <00:32:22.485>want <00:32:22.685>to <00:32:22.885>identify <00:32:23.085>that <00:32:23.285>power <00:32:23.485>dynamic.

728
00:32:24.405 --> 00:32:25.585
<00:32:24.405>Who <00:32:24.670>is <00:32:24.936>the <00:32:25.201>bigger <00:32:25.467>dog?

729
00:32:26.045 --> 00:32:27.865
<00:32:26.045>You <00:32:26.395>know, <00:32:26.745>identifying <00:32:27.095>a <00:32:27.445>rupture

730
00:32:27.865 --> 00:32:30.225
<00:32:27.865>with <00:32:28.020>your <00:32:28.176>boss <00:32:28.331>is <00:32:28.487>different <00:32:28.642>from <00:32:28.798>identifying <00:32:28.953>a <00:32:29.109>rupture <00:32:29.265>with,

731
00:32:30.365 --> 00:32:31.745
<00:32:30.365>uh, <00:32:30.613>a <00:32:30.861>peer <00:32:31.110>or <00:32:31.358>a <00:32:31.607>report.

732
00:32:32.525 --> 00:32:35.745
<00:32:32.525>Um, <00:32:32.758>are <00:32:32.991>they <00:32:33.225>feeling <00:32:33.458>threatened <00:32:33.691>even <00:32:33.925>if

733
00:32:35.745 --> 00:32:36.945
<00:32:35.745>they <00:32:36.014>are <00:32:36.284>the <00:32:36.554>bigger <00:32:36.824>dog?

734
00:32:36.965 --> 00:32:39.805
<00:32:36.965>If <00:32:37.105>they <00:32:37.245>feel <00:32:37.385>threatened, <00:32:37.524>you, <00:32:37.665>you <00:32:37.804>need <00:32:37.945>to <00:32:38.084>go <00:32:38.225>in <00:32:38.365>knowing

735
00:32:39.835 --> 00:32:41.645
<00:32:39.835>that <00:32:40.035>they <00:32:40.235>have <00:32:40.435>the <00:32:40.635>potential <00:32:40.835>to <00:32:41.035>cause <00:32:41.235>harm.

736
00:32:42.385 --> 00:32:45.885
<00:32:42.385>Um, <00:32:42.525>you <00:32:42.665>can <00:32:42.805>you <00:32:42.945>get <00:32:43.085>them <00:32:43.225>to <00:32:43.365>a <00:32:43.504>place <00:32:43.645>of <00:32:43.785>calm,

737
00:32:47.195 --> 00:32:48.805
<00:32:47.195>depersonalize <00:32:47.895>that <00:32:48.595>conflict.

738
00:32:49.385 --> 00:32:51.445
<00:32:49.385>Can <00:32:49.735>you <00:32:50.085>see <00:32:50.435>through <00:32:50.785>yourself

739
00:32:51.505 --> 00:32:53.325
<00:32:51.505>to <00:32:51.785>the <00:32:52.065>other <00:32:52.345>person's <00:32:52.625>unmet <00:32:52.905>needs?

740
00:32:53.585 --> 00:32:57.365
<00:32:53.585>Can <00:32:53.760>you <00:32:53.935>use <00:32:54.110>words <00:32:54.285>that <00:32:54.460>don't <00:32:54.635>personalize <00:32:54.810>the <00:32:54.985>rupture

741
00:32:58.765 --> 00:33:02.025
<00:32:58.765>and <00:32:58.905>then <00:32:59.045>confirm <00:32:59.185>how <00:32:59.325>they <00:32:59.465>feel <00:32:59.605>by <00:32:59.745>asking, <00:32:59.885>I <00:33:00.025>always <00:33:00.165>ask,

742
00:33:02.115 --> 00:33:03.945
<00:33:02.115>don't <00:33:02.395>put <00:33:02.675>words <00:33:02.955>into <00:33:03.235>their <00:33:03.515>mouths.

743
00:33:04.885 --> 00:33:08.825
<00:33:04.885>It <00:33:05.025>sounds <00:33:05.165>like <00:33:05.305>you're <00:33:05.445>feeling <00:33:05.585>X <00:33:05.725>right <00:33:05.865>now. <00:33:06.004>Is <00:33:06.145>that <00:33:06.285>right?

744
00:33:09.325 --> 00:33:11.785
<00:33:09.325>Get <00:33:09.480>confirmation. <00:33:09.636>You <00:33:09.791>want <00:33:09.947>a <00:33:10.102>confirmation <00:33:10.258>that <00:33:10.413>the <00:33:10.569>other <00:33:10.725>end

745
00:33:11.785 --> 00:33:16.605
<00:33:11.785>of <00:33:12.018>your <00:33:12.251>API <00:33:12.485>call <00:33:12.718>there, <00:33:12.951>all <00:33:13.185>this

746
00:33:16.645 --> 00:33:17.685
<00:33:16.645>is <00:33:16.879>how <00:33:17.113>you <00:33:17.347>repair <00:33:17.581>it.

747
00:33:17.985 --> 00:33:20.955
<00:33:17.985>Uh, <00:33:18.334>share <00:33:18.685>how <00:33:19.034>you're <00:33:19.385>impacted.

748
00:33:21.185 --> 00:33:24.755
<00:33:21.185>When <00:33:21.465>you <00:33:21.745>XI <00:33:22.024>feel <00:33:22.304>y <00:33:22.585>uh,

749
00:33:24.825 --> 00:33:26.435
<00:33:24.825>reflect <00:33:25.058>on <00:33:25.291>how <00:33:25.525>the <00:33:25.758>other <00:33:25.991>person <00:33:26.225>feels.

750
00:33:26.575 --> 00:33:29.795
<00:33:26.575>And <00:33:26.855>you <00:33:27.135>feel <00:33:27.415>Z, <00:33:27.695>right? <00:33:27.975>Good.

751
00:33:30.375 --> 00:33:32.755
<00:33:30.375>Uh, <00:33:30.575>you <00:33:30.775>apologize <00:33:30.975>like <00:33:31.175>a <00:33:31.375>decent <00:33:31.575>human <00:33:31.775>being

752
00:33:33.035 --> 00:33:34.075
<00:33:33.035>'cause <00:33:33.191>you <00:33:33.347>learned <00:33:33.503>how <00:33:33.659>to <00:33:33.815>do <00:33:33.971>that.

753
00:33:34.215 --> 00:33:37.155
<00:33:34.215>You <00:33:34.331>learn <00:33:34.448>how <00:33:34.564>to <00:33:34.681>express <00:33:34.798>it, <00:33:34.915>how <00:33:35.031>to <00:33:35.148>take <00:33:35.264>yourself <00:33:35.381>out <00:33:35.498>of <00:33:35.615>it.

754
00:33:37.575 --> 00:33:39.635
<00:33:37.575>And <00:33:37.750>then <00:33:37.925>you <00:33:38.100>ask <00:33:38.275>what's <00:33:38.450>needed <00:33:38.625>to <00:33:38.800>move <00:33:38.975>forward?

755
00:33:39.775 --> 00:33:40.915
<00:33:39.775>You <00:33:39.980>know, <00:33:40.185>what <00:33:40.390>do <00:33:40.595>you <00:33:40.801>need?

756
00:33:40.945 --> 00:33:42.395
<00:33:40.945>What <00:33:41.271>would <00:33:41.597>help, <00:33:41.923>you <00:33:42.250>know,

757
00:33:42.455 --> 00:33:44.195
<00:33:42.455>how <00:33:42.655>do <00:33:42.855>we <00:33:43.054>prevent <00:33:43.254>this <00:33:43.455>from <00:33:43.655>happening <00:33:43.855>again?

758
00:33:44.215 --> 00:33:45.275
<00:33:44.215>Our <00:33:44.533>correction <00:33:44.851>of <00:33:45.169>errors

759
00:33:45.275 --> 00:33:49.885
<00:33:45.275>report <00:33:45.975>you <00:33:46.675>leaders.

760
00:33:50.825 --> 00:33:53.285
<00:33:50.825>You <00:33:51.105>cannot <00:33:51.385>repair <00:33:51.665>a <00:33:51.945>rupture <00:33:52.225>yourself,

761
00:33:53.345 --> 00:33:55.965
<00:33:53.345>but <00:33:53.520>you <00:33:53.695>can <00:33:53.870>coach <00:33:54.045>your <00:33:54.220>reports <00:33:54.395>to <00:33:54.570>do <00:33:54.745>so,

762
00:33:56.825 --> 00:33:59.805
<00:33:56.825>and <00:33:56.980>that <00:33:57.136>is <00:33:57.291>the <00:33:57.447>greatest <00:33:57.602>gift <00:33:57.758>you <00:33:57.913>can <00:33:58.069>give <00:33:58.225>them.

763
00:34:01.565 --> 00:34:03.185
<00:34:01.565>My <00:34:01.915>partner <00:34:02.265>reminded <00:34:02.615>me, <00:34:02.965>uh,

764
00:34:03.185 --> 00:34:04.345
<00:34:03.185>while <00:34:03.393>I <00:34:03.602>was <00:34:03.811>putting <00:34:04.020>this <00:34:04.229>together.

765
00:34:05.045 --> 00:34:08.465
<00:34:05.045>The <00:34:05.200>goal <00:34:05.356>isn't <00:34:05.511>to <00:34:05.667>avoid <00:34:05.822>rupture, <00:34:05.978>it's <00:34:06.133>to <00:34:06.289>embrace <00:34:06.445>repair.

766
00:34:08.895 --> 00:34:11.345
<00:34:08.895>Rupture <00:34:09.175>is <00:34:09.455>healthy. <00:34:09.735>Disagreement <00:34:10.014>is <00:34:10.295>natural.

767
00:34:11.775 --> 00:34:13.305
<00:34:11.775>Part <00:34:12.234>of <00:34:12.692>problem <00:34:13.152>solving.

768
00:34:14.015 --> 00:34:17.105
<00:34:14.014>Many <00:34:14.190>small <00:34:14.364>ruptures <00:34:14.540>are <00:34:14.714>better <00:34:14.889>than <00:34:15.065>one <00:34:15.239>big <00:34:15.415>explosion.

769
00:34:17.525 --> 00:34:19.465
<00:34:17.525>So <00:34:17.758>rather <00:34:17.991>than <00:34:18.225>tiptoeing <00:34:18.458>around <00:34:18.691>each <00:34:18.925>other,

770
00:34:20.285 --> 00:34:23.185
<00:34:20.284>invest <00:34:20.518>in <00:34:20.751>your <00:34:20.984>human <00:34:21.218>debugging <00:34:21.451>tools <00:34:21.685>so

771
00:34:23.185 --> 00:34:24.825
<00:34:23.185>that <00:34:23.465>you <00:34:23.745>can <00:34:24.025>have <00:34:24.304>those <00:34:24.585>disagreements

772
00:34:24.845 --> 00:34:28.185
<00:34:24.844>and <00:34:24.984>see <00:34:25.125>each <00:34:25.264>other <00:34:25.404>eye <00:34:25.544>to <00:34:25.685>eye <00:34:25.824>and <00:34:25.964>make <00:34:26.105>those <00:34:26.245>repairs.

773
00:34:29.525 --> 00:34:33.385
<00:34:29.525>So <00:34:29.665>you <00:34:29.805>have <00:34:29.945>learned <00:34:30.085>how <00:34:30.225>to <00:34:30.365>make <00:34:30.505>it <00:34:30.645>not <00:34:30.785>about <00:34:30.925>you

774
00:34:33.535 --> 00:34:34.785
<00:34:33.534>with <00:34:34.659>depersonalization.

775
00:34:35.285 --> 00:34:38.945
<00:34:35.284>How <00:34:35.440>to, <00:34:35.596>uh, <00:34:35.751>how <00:34:35.907>to <00:34:36.062>apply <00:34:36.218>a <00:34:36.373>good <00:34:36.529>apology, <00:34:36.685>how

776
00:34:38.945 --> 00:34:43.785
<00:34:38.945>to <00:34:39.100>spot <00:34:39.256>power <00:34:39.411>dynamics, <00:34:39.567>how <00:34:39.722>to <00:34:39.878>regulate <00:34:40.033>your <00:34:40.189>emotions, <00:34:40.345>how

777
00:34:43.785 --> 00:34:47.625
<00:34:43.784>to <00:34:43.960>set <00:34:44.134>boundaries, <00:34:44.310>and <00:34:44.484>how <00:34:44.659>to <00:34:44.835>repair <00:34:45.009>relationship <00:34:45.185>ruptures.

778
00:34:48.445 --> 00:34:51.385
<00:34:48.445>At <00:34:48.620>one <00:34:48.795>time, <00:34:48.970>I <00:34:49.145>had <00:34:49.320>none <00:34:49.495>of <00:34:49.670>these <00:34:49.845>tools,

779
00:34:51.885 --> 00:34:54.305
<00:34:51.885>and <00:34:52.012>I <00:34:52.139>hope <00:34:52.266>that <00:34:52.394>by <00:34:52.521>sharing <00:34:52.648>them, <00:34:52.775>I <00:34:52.903>can <00:34:53.030>spare <00:34:53.157>you <00:34:53.285>some

780
00:34:54.305 --> 00:34:57.145
<00:34:54.304>of <00:34:54.480>my <00:34:54.654>more <00:34:54.830>painful <00:34:55.004>interpersonal <00:34:55.179>lessons <00:34:55.355>in <00:34:55.529>the <00:34:55.705>workplace.

781
00:34:57.885 --> 00:35:00.625
<00:34:57.885>You <00:34:58.060>won't <00:34:58.235>be <00:34:58.410>perfect. <00:34:58.585>You <00:34:58.760>are <00:34:58.935>gonna <00:34:59.110>goof <00:34:59.285>up.

782
00:35:01.565 --> 00:35:03.145
<00:35:01.565>Please <00:35:01.915>be <00:35:02.265>kind <00:35:02.615>to <00:35:02.965>yourself

783
00:35:03.245 --> 00:35:05.345
<00:35:03.245>and <00:35:03.444>to <00:35:03.645>others <00:35:03.845>as <00:35:04.045>we <00:35:04.245>all <00:35:04.444>learn <00:35:04.645>how

784
00:35:05.345 --> 00:35:08.985
<00:35:05.345>to <00:35:05.520>do <00:35:05.694>this <00:35:05.870>thing <00:35:06.044>called <00:35:06.220>being <00:35:06.395>human <00:35:06.569>better <00:35:06.745>together.

785
00:35:09.895 --> 00:35:13.555
<00:35:09.895>And <00:35:10.050>maybe <00:35:10.206>we <00:35:10.361>can <00:35:10.517>have <00:35:10.672>the <00:35:10.828>next <00:35:10.983>revolution <00:35:11.139>on <00:35:11.295>time.

786
00:35:19.005 --> 00:35:19.355
Thank.